A little history....how it all began.
I've often wondered, how did I get here? What an odd type of care to fall into...but I love it. Its an off-limits topic so much of the time, viewed with incredible sadness and loss, fear of the unknown, fear of pain, rarely can anyone come up with something positive to say or feel about dying. It's an ending of something precious, or the ending of a time filled with struggle and pain, if not physical, often emotional. Dying is a tremendous life change not only for the person who is leaving, but for everyone who cares about them...and most people don't like change. People don't want to talk about death and dying...but once it's set into motion, by our very own birth, it's inevitable and it happens to all of us at one time or another.
Through my years of caring for people who are getting ready to leave this earth, and true to my own inner ways, I have come to see that talking about it, looking at this event from every angle, talking about the fears one might carry of the unknown, the regret of things not said or done, approaching this time with an awareness that you are walking forward in your life process and now is the time to do and say and forgive and love and make peace. Getting your affairs in order means so much more than just your finances and your paper work. It is an incremental process that takes time and active choosing and such courage.
Through my years of caring for people who are getting ready to leave this earth, and true to my own inner ways, I have come to see that talking about it, looking at this event from every angle, talking about the fears one might carry of the unknown, the regret of things not said or done, approaching this time with an awareness that you are walking forward in your life process and now is the time to do and say and forgive and love and make peace. Getting your affairs in order means so much more than just your finances and your paper work. It is an incremental process that takes time and active choosing and such courage.
My involvement in caring for people who are dying has been something that has evolved over time. I didn't see it coming, I didn't set out to do this kind of work...but it sort of found me. I have no special training, no special titles, I'm just me....and that is exactly what I tell families that I interview with. Everything I know I learned on the job from the nurses and families I have worked with.
I am registered with the state of Ca. I also work through my county and a neighboring county, I have multiple background checks, letters of reference, am insured, and I keep a binder with all of this information readily available for anyone who wants to see it. However, I worked for years without any of that. I told my families that I worked for that this was a "good faith" arrangement. I am here in your home of my own free will....if I fall or get injured I won't sue you. I chose to be here. You are allowing me here of your own free will, if your family member falls and gets injured, you won't sue me. In 16 years I have never had a problem. However, I am always busy, I usually have more work than I can handle, and I realized that it would only take once for something awful to happen. So I began to run things more like a "grown-up." lol
I get the majority of my work from referrals from our local Hospice and other caregivers. I have a circle of women I have shared clients with for many years now, and when a family needs 24/7 care, one person can't do that alone, so we put together a team of care. I am very particular about this group and only refer women I trust implicitly. I think of my own mom...would I want these people caring for my elderly mom?
We are paid through a family's private funds, or sometimes, depending on the circumstances, the state will offset the costs involved. Because my work is a second income for my family and not our main source of sustenance (thank you Jesus) I am able to negotiate with families. I have my base rate, and sometimes a family will express concern about funding that in the long term. I am able and willing to negotiate with them. "Let's find a way to make this doable for all of us." I believe that every person that wants to die in their own home should be allowed to and money should not get in the way of that. Ever.
Let me add here that I care mainly for the elderly. People who have lived long lives and are ready to leave, usually at peace with what is happening. I know if I was working with young parents with a terminal illness, or a young child, my perspective would be different. Would it be harder to see the beauty in the process? I think there would definitely be profoundly beautiful experiences amidst the deep sadness of loss, but there is something about the dying process....the people who will be leaving us, seem to go through a transition where their spirits seem to be being prepared for what lies ahead. You can hear it in their words, see it as their perspectives change, as you see their responses play themselves out...you often will see that this person is transforming, not just physically, but deeply within themselves. Their spirit is changing and they are seemingly bathed in courage and resolution as they get ready to make their departure.
What I have found is that typical of any acts of service, I get so much more out of this work than I am giving. Dying is a spiritual journey....even when someone has led a life and has not acknowledged their spiritual selves. What an incredible honor to walk someone through their last months and weeks and days on this earth. As I take care of their most basic and private needs I think of Mary washing Jesus' feet. I get to serve others during a time of vulnerability, fear, when time is of the essence and layers are being peeled back within themselves so that they can do their work to go in peace. Watching families come together, and it is rarely perfect or without a lot of feelings, both good and bad, many times its awkward, and uncomfortable, but its beautiful to see people do things out of their comfort zone in the name of love. To get to watch reconciliations, restoration, healing, peace...that is one of the most beautiful things about this work.
More to come.....
Annette
I am registered with the state of Ca. I also work through my county and a neighboring county, I have multiple background checks, letters of reference, am insured, and I keep a binder with all of this information readily available for anyone who wants to see it. However, I worked for years without any of that. I told my families that I worked for that this was a "good faith" arrangement. I am here in your home of my own free will....if I fall or get injured I won't sue you. I chose to be here. You are allowing me here of your own free will, if your family member falls and gets injured, you won't sue me. In 16 years I have never had a problem. However, I am always busy, I usually have more work than I can handle, and I realized that it would only take once for something awful to happen. So I began to run things more like a "grown-up." lol
I get the majority of my work from referrals from our local Hospice and other caregivers. I have a circle of women I have shared clients with for many years now, and when a family needs 24/7 care, one person can't do that alone, so we put together a team of care. I am very particular about this group and only refer women I trust implicitly. I think of my own mom...would I want these people caring for my elderly mom?
We are paid through a family's private funds, or sometimes, depending on the circumstances, the state will offset the costs involved. Because my work is a second income for my family and not our main source of sustenance (thank you Jesus) I am able to negotiate with families. I have my base rate, and sometimes a family will express concern about funding that in the long term. I am able and willing to negotiate with them. "Let's find a way to make this doable for all of us." I believe that every person that wants to die in their own home should be allowed to and money should not get in the way of that. Ever.
Let me add here that I care mainly for the elderly. People who have lived long lives and are ready to leave, usually at peace with what is happening. I know if I was working with young parents with a terminal illness, or a young child, my perspective would be different. Would it be harder to see the beauty in the process? I think there would definitely be profoundly beautiful experiences amidst the deep sadness of loss, but there is something about the dying process....the people who will be leaving us, seem to go through a transition where their spirits seem to be being prepared for what lies ahead. You can hear it in their words, see it as their perspectives change, as you see their responses play themselves out...you often will see that this person is transforming, not just physically, but deeply within themselves. Their spirit is changing and they are seemingly bathed in courage and resolution as they get ready to make their departure.
What I have found is that typical of any acts of service, I get so much more out of this work than I am giving. Dying is a spiritual journey....even when someone has led a life and has not acknowledged their spiritual selves. What an incredible honor to walk someone through their last months and weeks and days on this earth. As I take care of their most basic and private needs I think of Mary washing Jesus' feet. I get to serve others during a time of vulnerability, fear, when time is of the essence and layers are being peeled back within themselves so that they can do their work to go in peace. Watching families come together, and it is rarely perfect or without a lot of feelings, both good and bad, many times its awkward, and uncomfortable, but its beautiful to see people do things out of their comfort zone in the name of love. To get to watch reconciliations, restoration, healing, peace...that is one of the most beautiful things about this work.
More to come.....
Annette
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