Part 3...Liberation!

Let me begin this last installment by saying that I believe that Molly's greatest gift is her sense of humor and her ability to laugh at herself. Making verbal slips is almost a daily part of her life. Saying things like "Heimlich Remover" "oveolas" for areolas, "Gale University" for Yale University, "carnival" for carnivore...is part of who she is. We love her for it. She makes us smile.

So Molly had decided to go to school. She wanted to play on the basketball team, instant message friends, go to dances. This was a complete shift for me. I had to let go of how I thought it would go, jump off of the track we were on, and head off in a new direction. It took me a minute to get my bearings, but once I did I called the school to begin to lay the ground work for Molly to make the transition. I put together a folder of Molly's test scores, samples of her art work, her creative writing which showed her very phonetic spelling methods, math work, anything that gave a glimpse into the *whole* person of who Molly was/is. I wanted them to see all of her, not just a kid who couldn't read.

The principal was very positive, and promised us that Molly would be placed with a wonderful teacher with experience in these sorts of things, that the teacher would know ahead of time about her issues so Molly would not end up in an awkward position on her first day of school. Molly and I walked around the campus during the summer several times, finding the bathrooms, where the 6th grade classes were, where she would have lunch... anything so she had a little bit of familiarity with her surroundings.

The first day of school she waited in front of her assigned class and no one ever came. A woman walking past said, "Oh there was a last minute change there. All kids in room __ are now in room __ with Mr. H. Mr. H was a new teacher and had never heard of Molly and had no idea about anything. He tried his best, and Molly knew a lot of kids at school from all of her years playing team sports so a lot of them rallied around her and even jumped to her defense if she was asked to do something in the class that they knew she couldn't manage.

Molly was devastated. She is not a crier, but she cried and cried... in class, in the bathroom at school, on the way home from school, nothing had worked out the way that she had been told it would. When I called the principal, she hemmed and hawed and made up excuses why everything had fallen apart. Molly, my brave little 11 year old walked into the office one morning and asked for an appointment with the principal to talk over how "this isn't working for me." The principal called me afterward to discuss what had been talked about. Molly cried through the whole meeting but she explained why it was so important to her that she know what to expect ahead of time. How frustrating it was to be told it would be one way and then without notice have it all changed. She articulately blazed onward, with respect and her own dignity in tact, she politely laid out what her needs were. No special treatment, just respect of her differences and a little time to figure out how to manage this new academic life. I had never been prouder.

Eventually Molly was placed in the "resource room." That lasted a day. It was a rough year in that class. A rough group of kids with lots of behavior problems. Throwing things, yelling, hitting one another...Molly refused to go back saying, "I know I have my issues, but I know how to behave myself." She felt if they would only let her be in her regular class and see how things work and figure out her own ways to meet their requirements she was sure she could make it all come together. Eventually Molly was moved into a different room with a teacher who ended up becoming our hero. Mrs H has a gentle and quiet spirit and she is also dyslexic and 2 of her 4 children are dyslexic, and she had tutored dyslexic kids for the past 13 years. Not to mention a record holding athlete. A match that was meant to be.

At our IEP meetings which Molly always attended, we discussed the failed attempt at the resource room, how could her needs best be met? The options offered were not acceptable to us...like placing her, my tall, mature looking girl, in with the 4th grade readers. One of the resource teacher's commented that it looked like Molly was calling all of the shots. I explained that we make decisions together. This is *her* education. She knows intrinsically what feels right and what doesn't. She will be our greatest teacher as to how to meet her needs if we can listen and use what she tells us. I had to reinforce that I did not bring her there so that they could "fix her" and as her mom I am responsible for her whole little person being nurtured and developed. We were inviting the school to be a part of our team in nurturing Molly's mind and her education...but I was not handing her over to them to call all of the shots. Either we would work together to find what worked for her or we could leave and find somewhere else that would.

In the meantime, Mrs. H had Molly stay in one day at lunch and they talked and brainstormed about how they could make this work. Mrs. H asked Molly what she felt she needed to be able to be successful. Molly was able to list off exactly what would help her to be a functioning student in this new system. This woman, this saint who I am indebted to forever and ever, listened and wrote down the ideas that they came up with. Then they narrowed down the list to what were the most important and what could be let go of. Together they came up with a plan that worked for the both of them. A plan that didn't fit the norm, that wasn't state standards based, that just worked and it gently gave my girl the time and space to find her way within the structured walls of school.

And Molly was off.....

She asked to drop computer science since it wasn't a required class and instead be allowed to sit through language arts 2X each day. "It helps me to hear it more than once." Mrs. H allowed me to read aloud anything Molly couldn't manage in class, she allowed other students to work with Molly and to help, to bring tests home to be read aloud, anything not understood in class was brought home for us to help with....whether it was class work or not. It was labor intensive for all of us. But it was working and Molly was willing to put in the effort. Mrs H gave Molly a safe haven to test out her new wings. Molly knew walking away was always an option, but she chose to hang in there. She wanted this to work.

As time went on with her accommodations and some modifications in place, Molly made the honor roll every quarter that she was in school. She played volleyball, basketball and rec league soccer. Eventually, she began to read. Slowly, haltingly, but I believe that all of that tutoring and instruction was inside her brain, locked away waiting to be set free at the right time. Developmentally, emotionally, physically. It is very common for things to begin to come together for kids with learning issues at puberty and that proved true for Molly. I think that watching how all of the other kids used their knowledge, and put the pieces together was a valuable tool, a missing piece for her. Molly read her first chapter book at 12 years old. "Because of Winn-Dixie." We have her tattered and torn copy and will probably keep it forever. It took her weeks but she did it and that was a huge victory for her.

She is now finishing up her sophomore year in high school. She has won lots of athletic awards, lettered as a freshman in track, has good grades, has lots of friends, is responsible and kind to everyone. She is her own best advocate now. I send a letter for each teacher on the first day of school each year explaining her issues and include a copy of her accommodations page from her IEP. Some teachers look at it and some don't. She has her own copy in her binder and if an issue comes up she is able to work out solutions without my help. If a teacher is non-responsive she will ask for my intervention, but that rarely happens anymore. She has been blessed to have several wonderful teachers and coaches who have become friends, advocates, people who are a gift to her. Who love her and accept her as she is. We feel privileged to have them in our lives. For a parent there is nothing so comforting as knowing that in this big world there are people who love your child and want good for them just as much as you do.

Molly will tell you that watching her sister struggle with addiction has been one of the most painful things in her life...but that, along with her journey as a dyslexic person, has helped to make her who she is today. There was a day when Molly was so angry. Everything came easily to her sister and she didn't appreciate it or make use of her strengths. She let them all go. Molly had to work for everything. She has made some of her own mistakes and they have humbled her. They have helped her to understand how easy it is to fall. The difference is whether you get up or stay down.

This girl of mine. This friend. Wise soul...

I love you honey.
Mom