So moving right along from sexual abuse to self care.....
Im so spent right now. Emotionally, spiritually, physically. And the holidays are right around the corner. If you are my friend on Facebook, you know that I took my holiday sabbatical early this year. I have had to back my way out of my volunteer online groups that are filled daily with so much loss. The news which is filled with constant tragedy. The arguing and debating. The cruel comments that some people make, feeling so brave behind their keyboards. Add in the pictures of perfection and I just needed a break. I needed to step back and focus on what is here and tangible.
Someone shared the other night at a meeting about her morning meditation time. It was beautiful and it took time. A good chunk of time each morning. Reading, meditating, writing. She was nourishing herself spiritually. As I listened I realized that I am starving spiritually right now and i need to stop and feed my spiritual self. I read my daily reader at a stop light in the car, or while I wait for little one to come out to the car. Its not a focused concentrated time of filling my soul and getting in touch with my Higher Power. Its prayers on the fly. I couldnt run my marriage, my business, or any other relationship that way. Why do I think this spiritual relationship can be conducted on this level of thrown in bits of time and attention? This spiritual relationship that SUSTAINS me in so many ways...I can't afford to allow it to not be a priority.
So I am focusing on my own morning time of connection. I am journaling...as in with a pencil and paper. The old fasahioned way! Lol I read my daily readers and I pray. I light candles. Today I prayed for myself! I never do that...but today I said, "I need you God. Show me the way. Hold my hand, fill my heart, and show me my next step. Help me to deal in mercy with those I encounter." Because I have been irritable and discontent, overwhelmed, impatient, wanting everyone to do things my way, and mad when they don't. A real joy! Lol
Im thinking a lot about these online communities that we build. They are wonderful in so many ways, and God knows I have made so many wonderful connections...people who share this journey with me, who understand my life on a very deep level because they are living it too. However, I am feeling like its time to focus on the people in my own community more. My family, my sponsees, my clients, I am working with our homeless community, my Alanon community. People I can touch and see and feel.
So if Im not around as much, you will know why. Of course I might want to have a place to process everything too, so you never know. You might hear more from me! I've blogged a long time, and it has its ebbs and flows. It's also cheaper than therapy! Lol
Thank you to whoever still reads here. I appreciate you, your comments, this shared journey that we are on figuring out the affects (effects?) of addiction on our lives. My heart is so *for* every parent that reads here. This journey changes us at the deepest levels. You can know that you and your children are continuously in my prayers. Whether they be shot out while driving, or slowly meditated upon while surrounded by my lit candles and coffee cup and my warm blanket...God hears them all the same. Your kids are loved and cared for and they are not alone, and neither are you.
With love and prayers,
My sweet landon on Halloween and with his momma. 4 months old on the 6th! Such a burst of joy!