Today I listened to Dr. Haider Warraich share on an NPR podcast, about the ways that the medical community have changed the dying process. As I drove along, listening, I felt back in my element.
This is me, this is my passion, helping people to have a good death. These are the things that speak to my heart. How to let go of those we love so much, to leave us on their own terms, surrounded by love and care and comfort. This kind doctor shared his heart... he mentioned that he doesn't wear a lab coat because he doesn't want to be known as an "other." He wants to be part of, an equal, we are all just people. I have never worn scrubs to see clients...I wear my regular clothes. I have wanted to just be a friendly and supportive face coming through the door....not a reminder of their need for care, or help, or their disease. Its not typical protocol to wear street clothes and I was so happy to hear that he does this too and for very similar reasons.
I loved his humanity. If you listen you will know exactly what I am talking about. He is a humble young man (29 years old!!!!) with such a kind heart.
Our world feels surreal right now. So much conflict, anger, distrust, and fear. I dont know what to make of it all to be honest. Listening to this today grounded me. Brought me back to my world. I realized Ive felt lost this week. What can we believe? I told a friend, its another thing that is unsettled in my life, that I dont have the answers for, that I have to trust and believe that there is a plan, and that the set of human and spiritual checks and balances are in full working order and that God can handle all of this. I know that that might sound like a cop-out to some, but its all I have. I can't fix what ails the world, I can't fix what ails my girl, I can't even quit eating chocolate even when I try my absolute hardest.
The only sphere of control that I have is the one I am standing smack in the middle of. What will my responses be? How will I find ways to continue to love unconditionally? Can I, will I, choose to abide in the power of my God each moment of the day? Or will I barrel off in my own direction, thinking that my best thinking will fix and cure.
One thing that is beautiful to behold is humility. I want to be humble. I want to not just talk about relying on God, but really *rest* in His power. In every manner of my being. My marriage, my girl, my other children, this crazy world we are living in where everyone seems to be rising up and fighting for what they think is right and best.
"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me." John 15:4
God, give me your heart for each person I encounter. Help me to not judge their motives or their actions. I am only seeing a glimpse. Purify my heart with your spirit that I can be a light in this dark world. Amen.
Love to all.....