So what happens when the drug use is drastically reduced, but they aren't really getting better? We've had several months of "near" abstinent sobriety....but she remains frozen, paralyzed in her abilities to cope, to head out into the world and create a semblance of a life for herself. Very minimal progress in the realm of life building, but significant progress in changing her substance use.
I will be honest....this scares me.
How long will this take? Am I just being impatient? Will it get better? We are only getting older. Maybe time will make things better....but that has not been the case in the past.
Every bout of sobriety is like this for her. She does not get sober and feel release and free and hopeful. She feels miserable, frozen, uncomfortable in her own skin, and afraid. I totally get that early sobriety is fragile and painful and uncomfortable. I know this... But can she stay sober long enough to get past the discomfort? I don't know. I just don't know. Can she ever get past the discomfort?
Mental health care in America for the uninsured is non-existent. Mental health care for people WITH insurance is terribly lacking. I am not feeling hopeful for our future today. The dad's and mine and our girl's. I'm sure things will get better, more progress will happen. It has to. I can't fathom it not. The eternal optimist has hit a speed bump and it's thrown me head over heels catapulting down our pathway.
Pray for me.
PS: Things I'm doing to take care of myself:
1. Raising my antidepressant 10 mg!
2. Going for a walk today with my big dog Jake to look at the fall colors all around where I live.
3. Reading a real book.
4. I bought my favorite custom scented lotion.