Monday, October 10, 2016

Co-occurring disorders

This month marks one year since I spent the day with my girl for her birthday and realized in a very conscious way that if someone didn't intervene, she would probably not survive another year as she was. She was in such bad physical shape. I offered a therapist, an olive branch, an open door for her to go through that would lead out and away from her toxic existence. 

So what happens when the drug use is drastically reduced, but they aren't really getting better? We've had several months of "near" abstinent sobriety....but she remains frozen, paralyzed in her abilities to cope, to head out into the world and create a semblance of a life for herself. Very minimal progress in the realm of life building, but significant progress in changing her substance use. 

I will be honest....this scares me. 

How long will this take? Am I just being impatient? Will it get better? We are only getting older. Maybe time will make things better....but that has not been the case in the past. 

Every bout of sobriety is like this for her. She does not get sober and feel release and free and hopeful. She feels miserable, frozen, uncomfortable in her own skin, and afraid. I totally get that early sobriety is fragile and painful and uncomfortable. I know this... But can she stay sober long enough to get past the discomfort? I don't know. I just don't know. Can she ever get past the discomfort? 

Mental health care in America for the uninsured is non-existent. Mental health care for people WITH insurance is terribly lacking. I am not feeling hopeful for our future today. The dad's and mine and our girl's. I'm sure things will get better, more progress will happen. It has to. I can't fathom it not. The eternal optimist has hit a speed bump and it's thrown me head over heels catapulting down our pathway. 

Pray for me. 

PS: Things I'm doing to take care of myself:
1. Raising my antidepressant 10 mg! 
2. Going for a walk today with my big dog Jake to look at the fall colors all around where I live. 
3. Reading a real book.
4. I bought my favorite custom scented lotion.
5. Praying. 


Linda deV said...

Good work Annette. Great self care when self care can be so hard.

Mental health care in this country is SHAMEFUL and yet it affects so many people. It can feel overwhelming at times.

I've read your blog long enough to know that you will have a better day...if not tomorrow then the next or next week but, for now, I will pray the prayer that I have prayed for my loved ones. I will pray for you, your girl and your family. It's a hard, long walk....thankfully, we have people to share it with.

Anonymous said...

I am praying for you, Annette.


Birdie said...

I have no answers and I guess, nobody does. I can't fathom how painful this journey must be for all of you. Keep doing your self-care. Sending love to all of you. xo

Liz said...

Dear Annette, I think of you and your girl so often. I pray and wish and pray and pray and pray that your beautiful girl gets better. I wish there was more that I could do! It's so frustrating this sickening disease of addiction. She is so lucky to have you and her Dad being so supportive. Keep praying and taking care of yourself and your girl... God will help her.

Anonymous said...

Hi Annette, I read your post last night and woke up this am with some ideas to help your daughter jump-start her life. Would she consider volunteering or apprenticing at a job she might enjoy? From the pictures you've posted, would she enjoy working in some way with plants and flowers (ie. a nursery, garden center or florist shop)? Or, does she have another interest? Also, would she consider taking either a college class or an adult education class? Any step she can take might lead to positive changes in her life.


Lolly said...

Just letting you know that I pray every day for you and your girl.