This has been the wildest ride. I am mostly just a bystander but just watching is like sitting through an action movie. Early sobriety is filled with so many ups and downs and emotions and our girl is all over the place. The dad and I feel like we are in a little boat hanging on to the sides, soaring up into the big waves and wind and then crashing down.....just hanging on until we can get to smoother water. Early sobriety is messy and tumultuous. There is nothing neat and tidy and polished about it. Our communications are precious...until they aren't, but even then she is able to articulate...." Don't take anything I say, my moods, or any nastiness to mean I don't want this. I do. I'm just crazy most of the time right now, but please don't get discouraged and give up on me. I don't know if I will make it back out if I go back in again."
So the dad....through all of this. The dad has an engineering mind, logical, practical, makes his decisions based on facts, not emotions, he has ADD in spades, very routine oriented... We say it's a little OCDish, but that might be because we are the polar opposite of him. Emotional, scattered, squeezing more into a minute than it can contain with no pattern or method. There has never been a more faithful life partner though. This man would step in front of a bullet for any of us without a hesitation. He is very private and wonders why on earth I would want to lay myself out here for all to read about and critique...so I don't write about him very often. But today, I must. I am so touched (understatement....there are no words) by his commitment to us and to this journey.
Last week was challenging (another understatement) and emotions and feelings were being lobbed back and forth all over the place. Once things calmed down he said, "I needed you to remind me of what we are doing. I can keep moving forward. I forgot for a minute what the goal was and could only see that current minute." I get that....it's so easy to get lost in the moment and the chaos and forget what we are working toward with her. Sometimes we both have to remind each other where we all started 9 months ago and where we are now. There is progress. Huge substantial progress...and for today that is enough to let us forge our way into the next day.
So the dogs.....we have 5 dogs. Total craziness. 2 of them were Molly's that she adopted with an old boyfriend and then they broke up. She was going to find a new home for them when she moved out, but the dad said, "We can take them....don't you think Annette? They are small, how much more work can they be?" So Ruby and Annie, who have been together all of their lives, are ours, in addition to Rosey, Jake, and Maizy. Whenever they all feel like too much to me (it's the barking when someone drives down our driveway that gets me) I will say that we can find a new home for Ruby and Annie and Little One says, "Ohhhh, I don't think dad will let that happen."
The dad takes care of ALL of them! While I am out running around like a crazy person he is here keeping things steady. This man who would be fine with no pets, takes care of all of these dogs, feeds them, picks up after them, washes out food and water bowls, and talks to them....and they all love him. He has created a routine for them all lol which he likes us to stick to verbatim if he has another obligation and can't be at home. The conversations we over hear between he and the dogs are so amusing and endearing. I think that the dogs are therapeutic....we live in a situation that we really have very little (any) control over the outcome....but we have the dogs who snuggle on the couch with us....yes we are *those* people.....who greet us at the door, who go walking with us and lay at our feet when we are studying and writing. Who adore us no matter what is going on, no matter how defeated we may feel at times. They sit and look at us like, "What now dad? Tell us what you want us to do." They make us laugh. We joke about being reduced to gaining our feelings of "being in charge" by owning a pack of dogs.
I wish I had a picture of all 5 of them sitting together.....but that is almost impossible! Anyway, here we are finding joy in what we can. For today it's "the dogs" and each other. For today it's the progress that we watch unfold in a very complicated journey.
I'm praying on the fly these days but you all are still on my list and still get thought about and lifted up each day. I haven't been to my Adoration service in a couple months and I miss it terribly. But none of you are forgotten in my busy-ness.
Bless us all......