Sunday, March 27, 2016

Stupid Ugly Holidays...

Today is a major Christian holiday....it is almost as hard of a day for me as Christmas or Thanksgiving. Holidays are a challenge. I had to work this morning.....the disabled still need to get up and out of bed and cleaned up EVEN on a holiday. While I drove down my mountain to reach my destination, I thought of how much I "hate" holidays. I am ashamed to admit it.....but yes, that is the exact word that played through my mind. We have no extended family close by, I have no family that "joins in" and helps put on the holiday production, so it's all on my shoulders. Add in the unpredictability of active addiction, the isolation I feel because we aren't surrounded by family and "everyone" else is, the shame I feel if we are going to be honest here....holidays as a child were ugly drunken events filled with fighting so there is not even any happy history to fall back on. Holidays are depressing.

So I wallowed around in that for a bit. I let myself muck it up in my self pity and how ugly and hateful holidays feel to me, I ate some chocolate malted robins eggs...and bought some Monterey Jack cheese on the way home from work so I could whip up something for everyone to eat.... I made that delicious chili/egg/cheese casserole. 

And while focusing on my family for a minute instead of what a rip off Easter is, it occurred to me that the reason, the origin of this holiday, is not about family get togethers. Its about Jesus miraculously rising from the dead on the third day. Its to celebrate His resurrection, that he is still alive and powerful and here with us. That not a one of us is here walking this journey alone. Not my girl, not me, not you, not your kids, not the dad....none of us. He see's each of us, He loves each of us personally, and He came to set us free from what has us imprisoned. He is filled with grace and compassion and love and acceptance for each of us. 

Just that sudden awareness was such a comfort. I decided to change my focus and to seek Him today and stop looking all around me at all that I think I don't have. Just for today I can focus on God and His Son who came to give us life. Who holds each of our broken selves in their hands and loves us perfectly right where we are at. Who is long suffering and doesn't give up on His children. 

So Happy Resurrection Day! I am so grateful for all that I have been given, even when there are hard days....I don't have to look far to see my blessings and feel my security and safety in my relationship with God. 

Much Love,
Annette

4 comments:

Mary Christine said...

I struggle with the "holidays" too for the same reasons you detail. But if I focus on the real reason for the holiday, I am good. Very good.

Lolly said...

This was beautiful and filled with truth! Amen Annette. At our church service we sang a song called Let it Rise. There is a line in the song that goes..."Let the glory of the Lord, Rise among us". And that, for me, is the truest thing about Easter and my life. When I find myself living in lack and throwing myself a pity party all I really need to do is look around and recall the glory of God that is all around me. I just need to get out of my own way to see it. Hugs to you Annette! Love, Lolly

Ruth in California said...

Amen!

donohuli said...

Once again, you slay me :) You are perfectly right - Easter is ONLY about the divine moment, the miraculous moment. Good for you for seeing that and letting the blessings awash you as they should.