So I wallowed around in that for a bit. I let myself muck it up in my self pity and how ugly and hateful holidays feel to me, I ate some chocolate malted robins eggs...and bought some Monterey Jack cheese on the way home from work so I could whip up something for everyone to eat.... I made that delicious chili/egg/cheese casserole.
And while focusing on my family for a minute instead of what a rip off Easter is, it occurred to me that the reason, the origin of this holiday, is not about family get togethers. Its about Jesus miraculously rising from the dead on the third day. Its to celebrate His resurrection, that he is still alive and powerful and here with us. That not a one of us is here walking this journey alone. Not my girl, not me, not you, not your kids, not the dad....none of us. He see's each of us, He loves each of us personally, and He came to set us free from what has us imprisoned. He is filled with grace and compassion and love and acceptance for each of us.
Just that sudden awareness was such a comfort. I decided to change my focus and to seek Him today and stop looking all around me at all that I think I don't have. Just for today I can focus on God and His Son who came to give us life. Who holds each of our broken selves in their hands and loves us perfectly right where we are at. Who is long suffering and doesn't give up on His children.
So Happy Resurrection Day! I am so grateful for all that I have been given, even when there are hard days....I don't have to look far to see my blessings and feel my security and safety in my relationship with God.