You all are too sweet. I didn't mean to solicit a bunch of compliments.....really. It really was kind of a true confession, light bulb moment.....I can't fix this area but I can make this area better....so I will. But thank you.
So I was thinking about my girl and how I can fix so many of the exteriors of her issues. I know exactly what to do that would be a positive solution for her diet, her physical health, her skin, her bowels, her thick long hair, her nails...I can do all of that and make it better. What is beyond me is her inner illness. I can't reach those deep dark areas that are broken and THOSE are the key to what ails the outside, to the symptoms that we can see.
I was thinking of how she doesn't fit in our family anymore. Not, and let me be very very clear, NOT because we don't want her to....but because we all live such different lives from each other. Her life is the polar opposite of our life. She is the puzzle piece that is missing in our family puzzle. Where that piece used to fit, is a big gaping hole. The lost piece. Even when she comes home to visit, its not a good fit anymore. Her big black thick ugly coat of addiction that hangs heavily over her thin body makes her edges and curves not fit into her spot. Her spot, the spot that has been her's since the moment of her conception. Her spot that won't ever be filled again unless she gets well and can come and fill it in with her own unique sweet self.
My dear friend Lou blogged here today and said, "Substance abuse and mental illness envelopes the family. I honestly
don’t know how anyone can stay “detached” when a member is so clearly
I don't know either. I don't even know if its the right thing to do anymore. I know that human beings are always called to be kind to each other. That, I do know. So that is what I try to do. Be kind, humane, let her hold onto whatever dignity she has left.
There is still the mom in me, a small strand left that thinks, "Ok, here is what we are going to do...." That has never worked before of course....and you know what they say about that. lol
So for today I settle for being kind to my girl for as long as I am able, while there is no end in sight.
Keep praying and I will too.
"And so, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you."
~Colossians 3: 12, 13