Thursday, December 17, 2015

Today is a hard day....

My girl is in a high risk situation and there is not much I can do about it, if anything. I am concerned, of course. I have spent the day praying for her, thinking about her when she was a little innocent thing, seeing her sweet face and her magnificent much loss there. And still, all of these years later, I still wonder HOW in all that is holy did we get here?

I spoke with her counselor this morning and I said, "I need you to help me come up with a plan. We won't talk about her at all. But me to think clearly, because I can feel my crazy coming on. Despite all of my hard work to be ok, when things are really bad I still get afraid and am compelled to try to stop the looming train that is bearing down on us with my bare hands!"

This is the kindest therapist I have ever dealt with through out all of the therapists we have had through out this whole journey. This is what he said, "Your girl is smart and she is a survivor. If she wasn't she would already be dead. Of course you are worried and afraid! None of your options are good ones and you are in a terrible situation. SHE IS YOUR DAUGHTER! You do the best you can for today (with what we had just discussed and come up with) and stay in touch with me."

Really, all he did was validate what I was feeling. He didn't tell me I was over reacting, or reprimand me for being concerned, or tell me I was doing it all wrong, or make me feel ridiculous. He was kind to me, and we developed a 3 option plan, that I hurriedly scribbled down while he spoke, so I wouldn't forget anything.

Having a plan can take me a very long way. I have read what we came up with numerous times today. When the dad gets home I will go over it with him. I had to have it clearly numbered and listed to bring some order to my mind that is all over the place. Having a direction to go in, to have figured out what I can offer and what I can't is calming. Well, more than not having it figured out.

Standing back, believing that God has my girl in His hands, He see's her and loves her more than I can fathom, He desires only good things for her....praying that she turns to Him and accepts all that He is offering to her. Soon.



Linda deV said...

Praying for you and your sweet girl

Anonymous said...


Sorry to hear this ... praying for you also.


Liz said...

Oh Annette... I'm praying for your beautiful girl.

Anonymous said...

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Annette said...

Anonymous, I want you to know that your scripture comments mean so much to me. Thank you very very much. ❤️

Anonymous said...

I can feel my "crazy" coming on too! My son has not responded to us since August of this year and now his phone is going straight to voice mail and will probably be cancelled soon if this time follows all of the others. And of course its the Christmas season, which has made me nuts for quite a few years now. I am praying for you and your daughter and I know you are praying for all of us out here in POA land.


Anonymous said...

My thoughts are with you and your daughter. I hope the situation you write about gets better and that your daughter stays safe from harm. I understand your fear and worry, though I don't know the exact situation you're in. Take care, my friend.


Tori said...

A beautiful picture just beautiful. My heart hurts for you Annette. You are so kind and full of compassion. Praying for you and your daughter.

SleeplessInABQ said...

My crazy is already here, full blown. I'm working on it, reading the book you sent cover to cover I think. Prayers for you and your family and that is a beautiful pic!


Ivy Green said...

I am grateful for this amazing and beautiful message. It got me through the holidays, it really did. Thank you.