Thursday, December 17, 2015
Today is a hard day....
I spoke with her counselor this morning and I said, "I need you to help me come up with a plan. We won't talk about her at all. But please....help me to think clearly, because I can feel my crazy coming on. Despite all of my hard work to be ok, when things are really bad I still get afraid and am compelled to try to stop the looming train that is bearing down on us with my bare hands!"
This is the kindest therapist I have ever dealt with through out all of the therapists we have had through out this whole journey. This is what he said, "Your girl is smart and she is a survivor. If she wasn't she would already be dead. Of course you are worried and afraid! None of your options are good ones and you are in a terrible situation. SHE IS YOUR DAUGHTER! You do the best you can for today (with what we had just discussed and come up with) and stay in touch with me."
Really, all he did was validate what I was feeling. He didn't tell me I was over reacting, or reprimand me for being concerned, or tell me I was doing it all wrong, or make me feel ridiculous. He was kind to me, and we developed a 3 option plan, that I hurriedly scribbled down while he spoke, so I wouldn't forget anything.
Having a plan can take me a very long way. I have read what we came up with numerous times today. When the dad gets home I will go over it with him. I had to have it clearly numbered and listed to bring some order to my mind that is all over the place. Having a direction to go in, to have figured out what I can offer and what I can't is calming. Well, more than not having it figured out.
Standing back, believing that God has my girl in His hands, He see's her and loves her more than I can fathom, He desires only good things for her....praying that she turns to Him and accepts all that He is offering to her. Soon.