Wednesday, November 4, 2015
Permission to grieve
The loss of a relationship that we cherished, the loss of our dreams and expectations of how we thought it would be, the loss of a job promotion, the loss of trust in someone, feeling betrayed, having our needs not be met by an absentee parent or spouse or child.....the bottom line is that we all experience loss in many ways and for many different reasons. Grieving is the natural response to loss. Any loss.
I think that often, for any reason short of death, we minimize our loss and don't allow ourselves to acknowledge and walk through the stages of our grieving process.
As parents of adult kids who struggle with living we experience a lot of loss. Loss of hope, loss of our dreams, loss of feeling successful, loss of feeling on top of what we are doing, loss loss loss. Its sad and its often scary.
I spent several years of our journey wallowing in my loss and feeling ashamed on so many levels. Ashamed that I was so grief stricken and so not capable of fixing it all. It took a lot of time (years) for me to muck around in all of the sadness and all of my self pity and wondering how on earth this ever could have happened to us...I had to walk through it all though.
When I look at the above diagram on the stages of grief I think it is so much more accurate than when we read about the 5 stages of grief. There are so many feelings and dynamics that those 5 stages contain that we need to know are ok to feel. Its all part of the painful process of letting go and accepting.
I am so grateful to be on the upswing of this chart including new friendships, hope, and helping others. I had a lot of time that I didn't think I would ever feel better or not be so afraid. It all has played out very differently than I ever expected, but its alright. I am alright today. I love and accept my girl right where she is at today. I love and accept myself right where I am at today. I don't know what the future holds for any of us in our family, but I have hope that we will all be ok, no matter the outcome.
God is good and He is in charge. I get to put one foot in front of the other and walk it all out. Thats my part.