I have been doing this whole loving an addicted child thing for a lot of years now. I have worked my own recovery program for right around 10 years, by applying the principles of Alanon in my life. I think, for the most part, I am past all of the high drama and the being in the middle of every single ugly circumstance that was going to happen. Thank all that is holy, because it took an inordinate amount of energy and if I had kept going at the crazy-making pace I was, I am certain I would be dead.
There are still aspects of this life that make me cry, that make me gasp, that scare me.....but they all aren't bad. I see the efforts of the addicts I know, who are still so stuck, but they muster up what they need, to spend an afternoon doing the right thing. Their families have worked hard and learned to accept their efforts as "enough." Broken people, all of us. Trying to do what is right.
I have been given many gifts through my years of watching my daughter's addiction escalate. I have often seen mercy and compassion and grace at work in very real ways. Living this life is a spiritual experience. I had no other choice but to turn to all of my spiritual resources or else again, I would not have survived this. I have gotten to see the good in people that could have easily been missed, if I had only judged by an outward appearance, or by the majority of their behavior and the outcomes they live with. I have been taught how to let go of resentments toward people and circumstances, how to accept all that is and live my life true to my own desires.....which first and foremost, I want to be free and not weighted down by the anger and resentments that I used to hold on to, feeling so justified because nothing was as I had expected it to be. As I had worked so hard to make it be.
I have met a patient and kind God who see's farther and deeper than I can comprehend and He understands more than I can hope for. I can turn to Him and be accepted and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am not alone.
Having an addicted child is awful. Its painful and terrifying and often chaotic.....but there is also beauty in the process. A blight to the life I tried to create has given me more richness than I could have ever created on my own.
~ Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.
Bless us all and help us to live in that sweet spot of acceptance so that we don't miss out on the blessings that are.