There is finally a light at the end of the tunnel for me with my crazy work schedule. I didn't even realize the huge affect it was having on me and how I was feeling until I had a definite plan for it to come to an end. I will be working 1 full day a week and 3 half days. I am working on consolidating some of the half days to make one more whole day a week that is free.
I felt so *happy* and *hopeful* and free and motivated to do so much! I want to paint the main floor and the bottom floor of our house, I want to clear out and paint our weight room and make it conducive to actually exercising, we are re-doing our dog kennel area and I am looking forward to looking out the back sliding door and not seeing what looks like a homeless lean-to shelter, I
want to exercise and HIKE again. I want to actually cook dinner for all of us. I want to be here. Present and in the moment with my family.
School is out....can you hear the angels singing?! I LOVE school breaks! The not having to be anywhere, the freedom... with just little one being my last one at home, we have a lovely peaceful existence. There is no drama here, she is a sweet kid, not sassy, an old soul, and we both just putter around doing our thing.
She graduated from the 8th grade last week and it was so nice. Her big sisters came to watch, bearing gifts and notes of congratulations. I cooked her favorite dinner and we had a big thick rich chocolate cake for dessert. Her small little graduating class of 17 included 3 of the kids from the developmentally delayed kids program. She had volunteered all year, 3 days a week with those kids, so she was assigned a little girl to sit with during the ceremony and accompany down the aisle to receive her certificate too. The big group of families and audience was too much and the girl was upset and crying and clung to little one. My little one was so wonderful.....patient, calm, soothing, steady as a rock. I was so proud of her. I think they helped each other. The little disabled girl was a good buffer for little one who is still so shy and little one helped her get through this rite of passage and stand for pictures and receive her certificate.
(As a side-note: I watched as the mom of the little girl just watched and let her work through it all with my little one. She didn't jump in to fix or comfort or accommodate. I thought she was so brave and it made me think of all of the times I did exactly the opposite in the name of nurturing and loving. I know now that my reaction was more about my own discomfort seeing one of my kids hurting, then what was truly best in the big picture. Watching that mom let her girl be independent.....that was a beautiful, selfless act, that I think all momma's are called to in one way or another.)
Later my girl texted me and said she was so glad she came. "I think my favorite part was watching Little One help that girl." It was a good evening. I had a few really good and comforting moments of thinking about what good people my kids are. Flawed, imperfect human beings, but all have good hearts. They have been my greatest teachers.
My days of parenting are pretty much over. They all live their lives in ways that they see fit. Even My Girl....she gets to make her own choices. I don't have a say anymore, unless I am asked. When I can let go of "my responsibility to direct and guide" it really does free me up to live my own life and to enjoy them and mind my own business on the stuff I don't like. Who knew?!
Bless us all......