Tuesday, March 24, 2015
I have worked so hard and for so long to let go of my girl, to accept her as she is....and I am seeing that I have compartmentalized those skills just for her. I am not as capable when it comes to other people in my life. I still think I know best for other people. (Because clearly I do!) I want to fast forward through the lessons of life and just have those I love arrive at the end result, nice and tidy, looking beautiful with nothing out of place. If I could only have my way, just once! Why are we asked to constantly let go? To live a life with open hands? Why can't we control and fix just once and hurry through and put it all together and be done with it?!
I have worked my own program long enough that I know the answers to those questions. That doesn't mean that it doesn't frustrate the holy heck out of me though. I am SO frustrated!!!
This week will be the beginning of me having Thursdays off. I need to go in and train my replacement for a couple hours that morning....but then my plan is to go straight to Adoration at the Catholic church to sit quietly with God and pour out my heart and listen for His voice. I miss Him. I have been so busy I haven't been reading, hardly praying except for the occasional "Lord have mercy!"
I began reading my daily readers a couple days ago:
Courage To Change
And today I added, The Language of Letting Go.
It felt so good. The words comforted me, encouraged me to keep moving forward....even if I can't pull it all off perfectly, keep moving.
I think it is safe to say that we are a work in progress until we are dead. I will never have all of the answers. Ever. And there are days that that pisses me off...but I will live.
Lord have mercy! Please!