Sunday, March 1, 2015

Its all a matter of perspective....

Its been a hard week. One girl is choosing a relationship that is alienating her from the family. We are letting go, stepping back bathed in all sorts of love and care, and hoping it all works out. It feels like she is choosing him over us and my feelings have been desperately hurt all week.... what that says about me God only knows!

My girl continues to forge her path to some semblance of occasional sobriety. Recently she had an upset and I jumped into fix it mode, but only in my head. My mouth said, "I don't know what to say or do for you honey. Let me think for a minute." Then I called my sponsor and my voice shook, I ran between crying and being mad at once again being in the position of feeling like her life was in my hands....and then as we talked it through, a plan began to develop in my mind. I ran it by her and she agreed it was a good plan, a good middle road that honored my feelings and what I was able to reasonably offer without robbing my girl of the opportunity to figure out her own solutions. We agreed I would "wait for the question." I wouldn't offer my assistance unless asked.

Wouldn't you know that within an hour or two all had settled down and all of my problem solving skills weren't needed after all. It made me SO grateful that I hadn't acted, hadn't jumped into throwing out ideas and trying to force solutions to a problem that wasn't even mine, that I had stood still and quiet for a minute and let things play out.

Little One turned 14 years old today. She wanted her nose pierced for her birthday. A couple mom friends  said, "And you're letting her?!" I almost laughed....if they only knew the things that really concern me. Nose piercing and tattoos and hair color are so far down on my list.

My schedule is still crazy....until the end of May in case you didn't get that the last several times I said it!  Last night after work I went into town to buy last minute birthday supplies...I didn't get home until 10:30. I was so tired I hurt.

In the middle of these daily stresses.....I think of ISIS and their poor victims and I think, "I'm fine! I am absolutely fine." And God only knows what THAT says about me too.

God be with each of us as we walk the path you have laid before us.


Dad and Mom said...

I too find it hard not to jump into the fix it mode. It's hard for us fixers and equally hard when we don't see people fixing the things in their world. I am working on it as you.

Stay strong and do what makes you happy.

Anonymous said...

Boy does all this hit home with me. It's so hard when you can see everything in their lives falling apart and have to just sit on your hands and not jump in to help. Addiction has taught me that he will ask for help when he is desperate and that is so frustrating. Just like you said, I'm so tired of holding his life in my hands. I try my best to not enable and keep my mouth shut. Sometimes I do get sucked in. It's all so hard and exhausting. Thank You for keeping it real.

Anonymous said...

My son today ran a possible plan by me that I don't think will work out. In the past, I might have felt very worried about it and would have tried to reason with him about the pitfalls. Today however, I tried your approach. I listened neutrally and did not react. "I'm sure you'll decide what to do," I told him. For his sake and for my own, I have to step back. (Holly)

Bar said...

Great post and I totally get the nose piercing thing - a tiny, tiny little thing in the scope of reality. Plus, she'll look cute with one :)

Signe said...

This all says that you are a loving, and caring parent who wants her child healed. You have no reason to question your feelings. You are a good and nurturing person.

Syd said...

I keep telling myself not to pick up the baggage or the rocks. Both weigh on my heart and serenity. Glad that you detached with love.