Its been a hard week. One girl is choosing a relationship that is alienating her from the family. We are letting go, stepping back bathed in all sorts of love and care, and hoping it all works out. It feels like she is choosing him over us and my feelings have been desperately hurt all week.... what that says about me God only knows!
My girl continues to forge her path to some semblance of occasional sobriety. Recently she had an upset and I jumped into fix it mode, but only in my head. My mouth said, "I don't know what to say or do for you honey. Let me think for a minute." Then I called my sponsor and my voice shook, I ran between crying and being mad at once again being in the position of feeling like her life was in my hands....and then as we talked it through, a plan began to develop in my mind. I ran it by her and she agreed it was a good plan, a good middle road that honored my feelings and what I was able to reasonably offer without robbing my girl of the opportunity to figure out her own solutions. We agreed I would "wait for the question." I wouldn't offer my assistance unless asked.
Wouldn't you know that within an hour or two all had settled down and all of my problem solving skills weren't needed after all. It made me SO grateful that I hadn't acted, hadn't jumped into throwing out ideas and trying to force solutions to a problem that wasn't even mine, that I had stood still and quiet for a minute and let things play out.
Little One turned 14 years old today. She wanted her nose pierced for her birthday. A couple mom friends said, "And you're letting her?!" I almost laughed....if they only knew the things that really concern me. Nose piercing and tattoos and hair color are so far down on my list.
My schedule is still crazy....until the end of May in case you didn't get that the last several times I said it! Last night after work I went into town to buy last minute birthday supplies...I didn't get home until 10:30. I was so tired I hurt.
In the middle of these daily stresses.....I think of ISIS and their poor victims and I think, "I'm fine! I am absolutely fine." And God only knows what THAT says about me too.
God be with each of us as we walk the path you have laid before us.