Tuesday, January 6, 2015

I let them in....

Do you all remember awhile back when I posted about wanting to begin to have company over? How we had stopped several years ago....it wasn't a conscious choice. It was just something that happened. We were always in crisis mode and we never knew what was going to happen next and we gradually just stopped having people over. We were too tired to navigate all of the in's and out's of having our friends over. To company clean the house. To buy special groceries to feed them something nice. We were too tired to stay connected. To worn out to let them see us, raw and vulnerable and afraid, and have to deal with the questions, the comments, the advice, the sad looks on their faces. It was so much easier just to go home and close the door and savor the peace.

In stepping back, our fortress walls began to be constructed without us even knowing it was happening! Its safe at home, its our refuge, and we also happen to live in a somewhat isolated area surrounded by mountains and pine trees, so it was easy to hide out there. Its off the beaten path so no one was just going to be driving by and drop in. I have been known to spend whole weekends in my jams and slippers, no make-up, no bra, my hair tied up in a knot, plodding along.

This past weekend though, was different. I had committed to giving an essential oil party (not thinking of it actually being AT my house) and since I can't ever break my word....I had to do it. I invited "a ton" of people thinking no one would come. If I got 3-4 I would have been happy. Instead right around 20 people came...some brought friends, there were kids playing video games and air hockey, everyone was just doing their thing, and the dad orchestrated parking for all of them in our driveway.....walking around with a flashlight like an air traffic controller. lol

My house was super duper clean and I indulged my fear of judgement by buying a new throw rug for the kitchen. What ended up happening was so wonderful. It was fun! Everyone had fun and it started at 5:30 and the last person left at 10. I served dinner.....tortilla soup with the fixings, tortillas, and water flavored with citrus fresh essential oil. I saw old friends who came. Met new spouses. Got to introduce the dad to my beautiful sponsor....it was just so great. I was nervous to let them in to see me, how we live, my life away from work, away from a meeting, me in my environment....but they liked it!

The girl leading the oil class opened it by saying, " I have never led nor attended a class for any group...Mary Kay, Tuppperware, anything,  that has been this well attended. Annette, you are well loved." So I do have friends! LOL

So with this new freedom of opening the doors and letting people in, I've now invited my walking group over in a couple weeks for a potluck dinner and a night of knitting. They are real knitters, I am a pretend knitter.....anything that is square or rectangle and in the knit stitch is about all I can handle.

So much has gone on......Christmas was hard, uneventful because I didn't turn anything into an event but there were lots of potential "event" happenings all through out. I just kept letting go and saying, "its just one day" and this is her journey. My far away job ended the last day of Dec. and wouldn't you know that one of my other long time clients had been very sick and they were waiting before I even got a day off to snatch those days up. There are a lot of valid reasons why I didn't say no. My goal of being home with little one after school is achieved though. That was a non-negotiable to me. I have had so many job referrals the past 2 weeks....its like I made up my mind to cut back and Satan himself went into overdrive trying to bury me and make it impossible. I feel like I have literally been fighting to grab the time and protect it as my own. I even had a woman offer to pay me several thousand dollars a month to let her mom move in with us. "Then you could be be home with little one." There are so many reasons why I couldn't commit to that....being housebound, the legalities, the mom has very advanced issues, my loyalty to my current clients.....the list can go on and on.

When I was cleaning my house for the party, I went through my God box and looked at each precious face inside there. You know who you are if you sent me your child's picture. I stopped and prayed for each one....they are each being held in my heart and in God's hands. Some I know are still in active addiction, including my own girl, some have passed away which is beyond my comprehension, and some I don't hear from their parents anymore so don't know the outcomes.

Anyway, lets keep all praying for each other.
Much love......

PS: I am LOVING my oily journey!! Truly!


Liz said...

Dear Annette,
Your first two paragraphs sound like me to the tee. I also have secluded myself from the world, stopped being social, stopped doing alot of things and just hybernated in my comfortable home. I gained weight and was depressed - addiction and worry, took me over.
I'm better now, and want to start living my life again, but I'm having a hard time leaving my cocoon. Baby steps.
I am soooo happy for you and you sound great! Prayers to all of you!

sleepycat2014 said...

Can you do a post on your God Box sometime soon? I'm interested in learning what it is, how it started, etc.


SoberMomWrites said...

Of course they like your home!!! And yes...you are well loved.

Sounds like an awesome event. I'm with the girl who led the party, as a former Mary Kay lady I can tell you that 20 people is AMAZEBALLS!

Dang I wish I could have attended. These oils have me intrigued.

Love and hugs my friend,

ditchingthedog said...

I tend to isolate, an old habit of living with addiction. Now that everything is on a (mostly) even keel I still isolate. At present I blame it on my job. We give so much and when we get home we are tired beyond words. I do not have the energy to clean the house and make meals. I barely have the energy to get dressed.

Dad and Mom said...

Everyone needs to read this. There IS life with an addicted child.

We do what can in life to deny this. We did it too but life can flourish when we do what I once referred people to you to read. "What we feed grows", said by a wise Annette.

Anonymous said...

this was a wonderful....wonderful post.
i hope and pray that i can push myself, to not being so afraid....our sons addiction has destroyed us...we are very broken....you give me hope.

Mary Christine said...

I am also always shocked when I have company and it is so much fun.

How nice!

Signe said...

This really hit home. I am isolated in a crowd. I make excuses for not going out with friends. I only see a select few and that isn't often. I get tired of hearing about their wonderful lives (I know that sounds selfish, but it is honest). I have grown tired of the white lies of my life, so I generally stay mute when it comes to 'what's happening with me.' It's not that things haven't improved, they have to some extent. It's just that I always feel in a holding pattern and the fuel is running low on my part. Thanks for praying for us, Annette. You are also in prayers. :)