Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Surviving....

My best friend in real life said yesterday, "You have done everything imaginable to NOT get to this place...but here you are." Very true. All of my efforts, all of my trying, spinning, my best thinking, and I have not been able to prevent this outcome.

I still have not had a good cry, but I feel like my heart is breaking. My girl has been out for about 8 weeks now, with no real place to stay, and has refused numerous offers of help, so now we step back until she decides she has had enough. Her car broke and is unfixable.... that has been a huge blow to me. I realized that that ramshackle car gave me an illusion of safety. She could lock herself inside, she could get away, she could sleep in it if need be....but my faith can't be in fallible, breakable, machinery. I have to believe that God has her and that together they are walking her path. She is never alone.

So what am I doing to survive?

1. I keep repeating that as likely as it is that disaster could strike at any minute, it is just as likely that we could be standing on the cusp of a miracle!

2. My blogger friend Hattie over at Praying for Henry told me to change my focus. She said it like, "Quick, change your focus! Look somewhere else!" lol What else am I supposed to be doing? For myself? Eating healthy, exercising, meditating, praying, seeing friends, resting, hiking.....

3. I am thinking of a friends words....."Its just for today" and "the purest form of love is acceptance."

4. I wait for the question...I have stopped trying to figure out solutions.....well, for this moment. I am sure I will circle back around to that craziness for a minute here and there, but for right now,  I can acknowledge that I am not the answer for my girl.

5. I went to adoration and plan on going back as a gift to myself.....time spent at the feet of my kind, loving and accepting and patient God. It blesses my soul to be able to spend that time in silence, praying, and meditating and giving thanks for the many blessings that I have in my life.

6. I choose to not wallow in self pity. I choose to speak kindly and patiently, to not take offense, to acknowledge that we all are feeling fragile and tired here at home right now... and what a gift for all of us to have the freedom to figure out our own path of letting her go individually, but to be close by and loved by each other as we find our way.

7. I believe that God see's her. She is not lost to His sight ever. She is not alone. He is patiently waiting for her to respond to His outstretched hand.

Please be praying...and know that I pray for your kids too.
Annette




8 comments:

ditchingthedog said...

I wish my mom was alive because I know I could give you her phone number and you two would become the best of friends. She went through so much before my brother went into recovery. Actually, even afterwards she had to work her own program in order to keep her sanity and maintain a relationship with him.

ditchingthedog said...

I wish my mom was alive because I know I could give you her phone number and you two would become the best of friends. She went through so much before my brother went into recovery. Actually, even afterwards she had to work her own program in order to keep her sanity and maintain a relationship with him.

n bloom said...

I am truly sorry to read that your beautiful girl is still out there and refusing help. As a mom, I so feel your pain. I will continue to pray for your family and hope that you get your miracle soon. God is with your girl and also with you.

Liz said...

Dear Annette... I am praying and praying and praying for you and your beautiful daughter.

Honey said...

I am praying for you and your girl Annette. May you all find some peace.

SoberMomWrites said...

You know I pray every morning for your family and especially your girl. I know God has her back. It's the unknowing part that's torturous. What is His plan? When will it be executed? Will I know what to do when it is?

So I pray especially for you my friend - one mother to another. As a Catholic, I was brought up with Saints of every size and description. From a very young age I loved Mary with all my heart and found myself praying to her often. Now that I'm a mom, she is who I go to when it's a matter that is of a mother's heart. She is who I go to when I pray for your heart.

I wish I was there to go to adoration with you. It's a beautiful peaceful part of my religion that I miss. I'd like to sit next to you and just quietly hold your hand.

Love and endless belief,
Sherry

Tori said...

We seem to sadly be in the same place and have been for so, so long.

I don't know what his plan is with my son, but I too do my best to let it be.

Working on myself is the only control I have and I kind of suck at that too but I keep trying.

You are in my heart and my prayers and of course so is your beautiful daughter.

onemomtalking.com said...

Dear Annette,
You are one of the first people who reached out to me when I started my blog years ago. I'm sorry I haven't been here more often. My prayers are with you and your daughter. I'm so sorry she's "out there" again. God does watch over us all. Every day. xo