Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Hard Stands

We are taking some hard stands right now with our girl. It is very scary, not easy....its awful, but I really feel like its necessary. I pray that God holds her in His hands and meets all of her needs whatever they may be. The dad and I are on the same page and are doing life minute by minute right now.

So with that said, I fell down last night, in the dark, heading up my stairs with my arms full. I missed the first step somehow. I tried to catch myself on a deck pillar and missed which meant I ended up crashing totally down on the ground and under the stairs! LOL Oh my gosh, I am too old to fall. I am so sore and bruised all over. No one heard me so I just gathered up my stuff and trudged up the stairs into the house. Little one had ear buds in and the dad was just coming in from the downstairs part of the house. I would think it shook the whole house, but apparently not. So today I had to show them both, all of my bruises and scrapes and make them look at them and give me sympathy. They obliged very nicely. Every time I think of it now, I laugh. It really is funny....

I have two week days off this week and it is so darned glorious. It shows me that when I have enough time to do what needs doing, I really can do a good job and I can even be cheerful about it all. I did things like cleaned the dogs ears, I answered long overdue emails, I read just because I wanted to. When I have the time it feels good to go through the process of each task, to have a rhythm of each day....not just work and hurry to get it all done. Its rewarding. I took a chicken out of the freezer to thaw....I never remember to do that. Tomorrow morning I can have it ready to go in the crock pot. I can leisurely help with homework. I wish I didn't need to work anymore.....maybe not totally, but less would be nice. We have a lot to pay off though before that can happen.

I have recently turned down two Hospice jobs...I miss my Hospice work so much, but I have continuous work with the same clients week after week now. And don't get me wrong.....they are WONDERFUL clients and very nice jobs and I am very grateful for that. However, I see how people who go into the same job day after day, week after week, can feel like they are on a treadmill. I so look forward to weekends now, and then on Monday I start all over again. One of the Hospice jobs was a woman about my age whose husband was dying... I would have loved and been honored to have walked with her through out those last weeks.

Little one really needs me right now and to know that there is a schedule and a routine and that I will be home at these times each day.  So for today I am exactly where I need to be. In a few short years little one will be grown and I will have the freedom to pursue any jobs that resonates with me.

I also need to find a way to incorporate exercise into my routine. Weights....I must begin with weights again and ab work.

The fire is 92% contained! We had 3 days of rain which helped tremendously and was nothing short of a miracle in our drought laden state. Bless all of those who helped and worked so hard to bring it under control.

And bless us all who live in the trenches of addiction and work endlessly to be ok despite our fear and pain.



Anonymous said...

I fall or at least trip all the time. I have bet my kids that I will likely die as a result of a fall! The thing is, how can I win and collect on the bet?

I am leaving my palliative night job and switching to days. I am going to miss it a lot. My hopes is working days is going to be a little easier than nights.

Sending you love. xo

Tori said...

You are so awesome Annette! I hope you truly enjoy your time off. I don't know what to say about your daughter except I am sorry for your struggles and glad you are on the same page.

As tough as decisions can be it is always a little easier when Joe and I agree and are in the same place.

Cathy said...

I so appreciate your blog Annette.

I feel hope and find help and encouragement in your journey.

from Cathy,
Western Australia

Debby said...

Even without knowing the particulars, I know you're doing the right thing. I say a prayer for you and your girl when God brings you to mind. I pray you feel his peace and comfort.

The neverending battle of child's opiate addiction said...

Making those hard decisions is the worst part of this journey and I am walking on the path right beside you right now...prayers, Renee

Signe said...

I am so happy to hear that the fire is being contained. I'm glad you're okay after your fall, but I will admit, the picture you painted did make me giggle. I tumbled down a flight taking the garbage out at 5 am. As I was hanging on trying to save myself that last bump on the ground, everyone else was peacefully sleeping. I giggled then, too.

Syd said...

I'm glad that you are okay and didn't injure yourself seriously. I have a confession--I fell off the top of the tall mounting block last week when I went to get on my horse. My foot slipped out of the stirrup and I fell to the ground between the horse and the mounting block. My horse backed up and was startled, looking at me as if to say,"Are you okay?". I was and didn't have any bruises. Jumped right back up and got on her and rode for an hour. I was more embarrassed and felt stupid. LOL.