I was feeling so depressed earlier today. We had some my girl drama, nothing horrible, but just tiring, mundane, needing help, typical chaos that seems to go with the territory.
I drove by a French restaurant in our area....the only one in our small town....and saw couples going inside and it just made me so sad for a minute. People are walking around living their lives, going out to eat dinner, meeting friends, while we are not. We are doing a million other things, but they are survival things. It feels like life is a lot of work most of the time. I was feeling like we don't fit in anywhere, we are downers, we don't know how to have fun, we are losers and no one likes us. I was sinking fast. lol
Tonight was an Alanon speaker meeting and then an open AA speaker meeting immediately following. I was determined to go and I was so glad that I did. I felt so much better afterward. The stories I hear there of grace, of surrender, of working through fears, of being alone and then finding "our people," of forgiveness, of miracles, of redemption and hope, change me. I heard such powerful shares tonight....I saw my friends, people who are dealing with many of the same things I am dealing with on a daily basis, who understand. The Alanon speaker shared about feeling sometimes like she doesn't really fit in even with her Alanon family.....she said, "But thats just me working through my fear." I needed to hear that simple answer tonight. I needed to hear the AA speaker's story of forgiveness, faith, and honesty tonight. I needed to see God's grace working and alive and well in all of these people's lives tonight so that I could be reminded that its always there for me too, even when I feel like a loser.
I am always touched so deeply by what I see in those rooms....broken people being made whole. Its a beautiful thing.