Tuesday, April 1, 2014

I have nothing to say......but here is some of my nothingness. :o)

I read this blog most days. There is no therapeutic value in it in regards to recovery or figuring out how to do life, other than Mr. John Gray makes me laugh, his stories make me feel calm and I like reading there.

I read this blog too and Mary just shares her life, her days....she is a recovering person, but there are lots of things that she focuses on in her blog. Her faith, health and fitness, her work, depression, interpersonal relationships, and recovery. I love reading about the rhythms of her life.

We have a snow day today but the snow is only falling but not sticking. Its like the perfect snow day. Little one said, "this is the school's April Fools joke on us." lol We stayed in bed until 9, all snuggled and warm. I got up and made coffee.....its a really perfect morning, other than I have no motivation to do anything.

Which brings up my next point. I am so tired. If I wasn't taking my full dose of anti-depressant already I would swear I was battling a depression. But I refuse to give into that idea. Instead I think my time off of work has run its course. I need a routine. I need to have to get up and be somewhere. By the time I go back it will have been a month break. A month is a long time and now we are having to supplement hubs checks with money from our savings which is not very big to begin with.  Fortunately for me, he is fine with that and has not one time insinuated "Why don't you get your growing behind back to work?"

My new schedule is really perfect for being available for little one, but it won't be enough money and it has me set in a couple jobs that are fine, but not where my heart really is, which is palliative care. I was thinking about this....and I came to the conclusion that that is ok for now. Its not forever. That being available to my little one is more important at this age than anything else I could be doing. She needs to be the priority for now. She is 13 which is such a prickly and fragile age. She needs to just see me close by and know that I am there.

My floors are a mess and I'm not cleaning them until all of these ridiculous dogs go home. Oh wait....5 of them live HERE.

My girl....is pushing forward. I don't know what else to say. She's still in the game, still working at sobriety, doing out patient, counseling, suboxone, seeing her sponsor, but I think its like slodging through thick mud for her. 

And I will leave you with this thought....did you know that Suboxone is constipating?!  Last night we were talking about how opiate users are usually constipated. I never even thought of THAT....but yeah, at work I use a lot of opiate medications with my dying clients and bowel care is a huge part of that because they get constipated. Something about the idea of all of our opiate addicted kids being unable to poop just struck me as so funny. Not in a vindictive way....Noooo. They have their own crosses to bear.

Bless us all. Our beautiful (constipated) kids are all in my prayers every day.


Anonymous said...

Annette I don't know why but when I read the last part of your blog it also made me laugh! And not in a mean way either. Sometimes the strangest things can "tickle my funny bone".
And thats not a bad thing I guess :)


Anonymous said...

Seriously, that's funny. For the longest time I wondered why my kid always had a belly ache...duh, he's constipated, lol. A parent of a normal kid would probably never understand how we can laugh at something like this but sometimes you just have to laugh...and eat chocolate easter eggs. ;)

Birdie said...

Ah, bring on the Metamucil!

I really, really think that people who work in palliative care need more time off than other folks. We give so much. It isn't just a job but a calling and a service. Every shift we give of ourselves and open our hearts wide.

As someone that is coming out of depression I encourage you to really watch yourself over the next week or so. Depression can get away on us. Back in October I knew I was depressed but just kept trudging forward and then it got away from me like a Mack truck. Be good to yourself, Annette. Ask yourself the questions that you would ask a patient and act accordingly.


PS - Do you want me to send you the medication CDs I am getting for the CBT? I can do it by e mail.

Dad and Mom said...

Now I get it. I use to tell my son that he was so full of shit I couldn't listen to another word.

I didn't realize how right I was.

Mary Christine said...

Thanks for the link Annette.

Unfortunately, constipation can kill folks who are taking a lot of medications. It doesn't "process" through and can quickly become toxic.

You're welcome. Love, Debbie Downer

Liz said...

Put a smile on my face this morning too.

Annette said...

Liz, would you email me? Lv4gves@comcast.net
Nothing important other than I just want to talk to you and not through comments on my blog.
: )

Annette said...

Mary, I know that constipation kills. So does heroin addiction. If I didn't laugh at something though, all I would do is cry.

Annette said...

Yes, I would live that Birdie! Lv4gves@comcast.net
Thank you so much!
I so agree about Hospice caregivers needing longer or more frequent breaks. I think this month off was the culmination of several one after the other clients dying. I was just done for a minute! All gived out! Lol

Michelle Richardson said...

I hav my funny story ..approx 5 years ago AD was so constipated, my bff and I took her to the ER. At this point in her life she was using oxy's.. I wasn't aware it would constipated her.. Dr. comes into exam room..says he wants an abdominal xray. No problem. .comes back in room to tell us that she is full of sh.t.. I'm shocked. .what do u mean doc?? He says come with me, I'll show you..we look at xray and he points to her rib cage and says see all these dark spots , yea I say , he says that's all backed up poop!! My bff and I start laughing hysterically. I said now what and he says well we have to get it out. ..omg and he continues on....oh gross. .please understand at this point in my life I have been fighting with her to stop using.and I'm worn out!!!! To me this was my sweet revenge.. omgoodness. I leave her with the nurses and doc. They tell her what's going to happen and all I could hear was mommmm..help!!!! Please don't be offended..it doesn't take much to make me laugh..

Hattie Heaton said...

Rest.....laugh. The best medicine.

Liz said...

Annette, Will do. I'm at work today, but will send you an email tonight or this weekend.
Look forward to it.