right back to treatment. Just sayin.....
Her entry date is next week sometime. The stories weren't matching up, we knew, but we were hoping we were wrong....but we knew we weren't. Then her therapist called and asked for a family meeting. This is her last chance with this rehab facility and her therapist had to fight to get it for her. Its a 1 year program that she has been in for almost 2 years. Lots of fits and starts....but she keeps going back. That tells me she wants to be healthy, she just can't figure out how to get herself extricated from the quicksand. If she relapses again, they will refer her to a long term methadone maintenance
program that will not be covered by insurance. They are recommending
long term Suboxone use.....years.
She will age out of our health insurance in a few months......I don't know what to do about that. I will admit that I am really very concerned with the idea of all of her meds being discontinued simply because of no insurance.
I have always had health insurance.....my entire life. I don't even know how you do anything without it. Please feel free to share if you know anything about this.
I feel like these past weeks I have been chasing after crumbs hoping for the whole pie at the end of the trail. Seeing some positive behavior and that could be as simple as a smile, she's awake before 8:30am, she put her dishes in the dishwasher, she was pleasant....those were my crumbs and I followed them wherever they led me...hoping against all hope that they would lead to something substantial, some real evidence of change or that things were really not going in the direction that I knew they were.
When I realized what I was doing...hanging onto any perceived hope, I was kind of disgusted with myself. How pathetic. I know better than to scramble along hoping to the point that I am almost begging for things to be ok.
I am just a person though. Just a plain old human mom who wants her girl to be ok. I got tripped up for a minute....I guess thats just how it goes sometimes.
On to more trivial stuff.....me. I started back to work this week and I love my new jobs. I think this will be such a great schedule for family life and for me to be able to take better care of myself. I really need to get back to that. I have gained a substantial amount of my weight back....not all, but its creeping up there! I do not want to be big and fat again! Getting ready for this half marathon shows me how hard the extra poundage is on my body. Everything aches and I am tried a lot of the time.
On Saturday morning Molly and I meeting at a lake in the city for a coffee/walking/talking date. I am so looking forward to seeing her. Oh gosh.....I have a big story about her!
Remember about a year ago when she tried the Adderall for her ADD and was allergic to it and had to call 911 and it was a big drama that scared the beejesus out of her? Well it took her all this time to get up the nerve and go back to the psychiatrist. They talked it all over, notes are in her chart that she is anaphylactically allergic to Adderall, and they decided on Ritalin. She only takes it before school and she said its not a miracle drug, and there is only a short window of time where she can tell that she is really focused......BUT she studied for a midterm by herself and got a B+ on it with a perfect score on the essay part of it! This has NEVER happened for her before. She was so happy and felt so empowered she has been talking about changing her major and rather than being an addictions counselor, working with special needs kids. She is also interested in getting her art degree too just because she loves art. The big deal is that she feels like she has choices and options. She doesn't feel limited academically for the first time in her life. Exciting stuff! I am just so very happy for her. She is out there living her life and really happy. What a joy that is to watch.
Ok, so I have shared everyone's private business here on the worldwide internet.....I really try not to do that. Molly doesn't care and I have her permission to write about her as I see fit. I try not to tell my girl's story because its not mine to tell....and today I am breaking my own rule because I selfishly feel the need to sort through all of this _____. You can fill in the blank with any word that seems fitting. I have several running through my mind.
Ok all, I am still praying and believing.