Here we go round the Mulberry Bush......
right back to treatment. Just sayin.....
Her entry date is next week sometime. The stories weren't matching up, we knew, but we were hoping we were wrong....but we knew we weren't. Then her therapist called and asked for a family meeting. This is her last chance with this rehab facility and her therapist had to fight to get it for her. Its a 1 year program that she has been in for almost 2 years. Lots of fits and starts....but she keeps going back. That tells me she wants to be healthy, she just can't figure out how to get herself extricated from the quicksand. If she relapses again, they will refer her to a long term methadone maintenance program that will not be covered by insurance. They are recommending long term Suboxone use.....years.
She will age out of our health insurance in a few months......I don't know what to do about that. I will admit that I am really very concerned with the idea of all of her meds being discontinued simply because of no insurance.
I have always had health insurance.....my entire life. I don't even know how you do anything without it. Please feel free to share if you know anything about this.
I feel like these past weeks I have been chasing after crumbs hoping for the whole pie at the end of the trail. Seeing some positive behavior and that could be as simple as a smile, she's awake before 8:30am, she put her dishes in the dishwasher, she was pleasant....those were my crumbs and I followed them wherever they led me...hoping against all hope that they would lead to something substantial, some real evidence of change or that things were really not going in the direction that I knew they were.
When I realized what I was doing...hanging onto any perceived hope, I was kind of disgusted with myself. How pathetic. I know better than to scramble along hoping to the point that I am almost begging for things to be ok.
I am just a person though. Just a plain old human mom who wants her girl to be ok. I got tripped up for a minute....I guess thats just how it goes sometimes.
On to more trivial stuff.....me. I started back to work this week and I love my new jobs. I think this will be such a great schedule for family life and for me to be able to take better care of myself. I really need to get back to that. I have gained a substantial amount of my weight back....not all, but its creeping up there! I do not want to be big and fat again! Getting ready for this half marathon shows me how hard the extra poundage is on my body. Everything aches and I am tried a lot of the time.
On Saturday morning Molly and I meeting at a lake in the city for a coffee/walking/talking date. I am so looking forward to seeing her. Oh gosh.....I have a big story about her!
Remember about a year ago when she tried the Adderall for her ADD and was allergic to it and had to call 911 and it was a big drama that scared the beejesus out of her? Well it took her all this time to get up the nerve and go back to the psychiatrist. They talked it all over, notes are in her chart that she is anaphylactically allergic to Adderall, and they decided on Ritalin. She only takes it before school and she said its not a miracle drug, and there is only a short window of time where she can tell that she is really focused......BUT she studied for a midterm by herself and got a B+ on it with a perfect score on the essay part of it! This has NEVER happened for her before. She was so happy and felt so empowered she has been talking about changing her major and rather than being an addictions counselor, working with special needs kids. She is also interested in getting her art degree too just because she loves art. The big deal is that she feels like she has choices and options. She doesn't feel limited academically for the first time in her life. Exciting stuff! I am just so very happy for her. She is out there living her life and really happy. What a joy that is to watch.
Ok, so I have shared everyone's private business here on the worldwide internet.....I really try not to do that. Molly doesn't care and I have her permission to write about her as I see fit. I try not to tell my girl's story because its not mine to tell....and today I am breaking my own rule because I selfishly feel the need to sort through all of this _____. You can fill in the blank with any word that seems fitting. I have several running through my mind.
Ok all, I am still praying and believing.
Annette
Her entry date is next week sometime. The stories weren't matching up, we knew, but we were hoping we were wrong....but we knew we weren't. Then her therapist called and asked for a family meeting. This is her last chance with this rehab facility and her therapist had to fight to get it for her. Its a 1 year program that she has been in for almost 2 years. Lots of fits and starts....but she keeps going back. That tells me she wants to be healthy, she just can't figure out how to get herself extricated from the quicksand. If she relapses again, they will refer her to a long term methadone maintenance program that will not be covered by insurance. They are recommending long term Suboxone use.....years.
She will age out of our health insurance in a few months......I don't know what to do about that. I will admit that I am really very concerned with the idea of all of her meds being discontinued simply because of no insurance.
I have always had health insurance.....my entire life. I don't even know how you do anything without it. Please feel free to share if you know anything about this.
I feel like these past weeks I have been chasing after crumbs hoping for the whole pie at the end of the trail. Seeing some positive behavior and that could be as simple as a smile, she's awake before 8:30am, she put her dishes in the dishwasher, she was pleasant....those were my crumbs and I followed them wherever they led me...hoping against all hope that they would lead to something substantial, some real evidence of change or that things were really not going in the direction that I knew they were.
When I realized what I was doing...hanging onto any perceived hope, I was kind of disgusted with myself. How pathetic. I know better than to scramble along hoping to the point that I am almost begging for things to be ok.
I am just a person though. Just a plain old human mom who wants her girl to be ok. I got tripped up for a minute....I guess thats just how it goes sometimes.
On to more trivial stuff.....me. I started back to work this week and I love my new jobs. I think this will be such a great schedule for family life and for me to be able to take better care of myself. I really need to get back to that. I have gained a substantial amount of my weight back....not all, but its creeping up there! I do not want to be big and fat again! Getting ready for this half marathon shows me how hard the extra poundage is on my body. Everything aches and I am tried a lot of the time.
On Saturday morning Molly and I meeting at a lake in the city for a coffee/walking/talking date. I am so looking forward to seeing her. Oh gosh.....I have a big story about her!
Remember about a year ago when she tried the Adderall for her ADD and was allergic to it and had to call 911 and it was a big drama that scared the beejesus out of her? Well it took her all this time to get up the nerve and go back to the psychiatrist. They talked it all over, notes are in her chart that she is anaphylactically allergic to Adderall, and they decided on Ritalin. She only takes it before school and she said its not a miracle drug, and there is only a short window of time where she can tell that she is really focused......BUT she studied for a midterm by herself and got a B+ on it with a perfect score on the essay part of it! This has NEVER happened for her before. She was so happy and felt so empowered she has been talking about changing her major and rather than being an addictions counselor, working with special needs kids. She is also interested in getting her art degree too just because she loves art. The big deal is that she feels like she has choices and options. She doesn't feel limited academically for the first time in her life. Exciting stuff! I am just so very happy for her. She is out there living her life and really happy. What a joy that is to watch.
Ok, so I have shared everyone's private business here on the worldwide internet.....I really try not to do that. Molly doesn't care and I have her permission to write about her as I see fit. I try not to tell my girl's story because its not mine to tell....and today I am breaking my own rule because I selfishly feel the need to sort through all of this _____. You can fill in the blank with any word that seems fitting. I have several running through my mind.
Ok all, I am still praying and believing.
Annette
Comments
Take care my friend.
I could write a book about insurance and lack thereof, but I would be a complete buzz-kill, so I'll leave it alone.
I am hopeful for her that she will be there long enough to get some sobriety time under her belt. A year sounds good. And think of how restful it will be for you.
Liz
I wanted to touch on the methadone, in case you go that route. Scott was in a methadone program for 2 years and did great! I could see a difference in him almost immediately. Those demons in his mind that scream out for heroin started to quiet down and he never once relapsed during that time. His insurance didn't cover the program and I think we paid $75 or $80 a week which is MUCH cheaper than suboxone. Anyway, if you have any questions about the methadone or just need a friend, my email address is on my profile.
PS My friend's son just aged out of her insurance program and she said he got insurance for $30 a month through 'Obamacare'. His meds are covered also.
One day at a time is sometimes just one hour at a time. (or one minute... ) xo
I am SOOOOO excited about Molly!!!! That is such a win! I remember when Brian came home after he was on the meds for awhile and passed his first spelling test (he was in 3rd grade). He was so proud of himself and, of course, I cried. Sometimes meds are a good thing...a miracle even.
"Talk" to you soon...
Sherry
Sherry
I am not sure if the Obama care will help her - my 82 y.o. Mom was switched from what she had to the new Obama care and now they don't cover a lot of her medication so it is a mess.
Well, I think you know that we are going through that maybe he is using because the signs are there but there just isn't enough yet.
My Husband and I were talking about this last night and he still says we need to wait it out and let it come to light if he is. That always scares me things don't always come to light.
After 9 years I don't think there is much we can do at this point.
I know it is heart wrenching that this still continues but the fact that she keeps trying is a blessing. B's therapist told us for severe addicts that we need to understand that every clean time they put together is a miracle and then WHEN they relapse and they get right back on then that is also a miracle - he said quit counting how many times B has relapsed (I couldn't even tell you) and that if he was clean for 15 days before he relapsed then the next time pray for 16 days - longer stretches of time.
Not that easy to do is it?
I am so glad that you still have enjoyed time with your younger daughter and your job. My advice is to see an attorney about getting your older girl on social security disability or SSI. This would get her insurance and very very basic living expenses. The attorney will not charge you unless she wins the case. I had great trepidations about doing this but it has probably kept me out of bankruptcy.
I too see progress with your girl. She has been sober most of the time and she is willing to go back!
Take care,
Anna
Sheri, your comment made me feel so good...because I don't feel very graceful. Thank you.
Lolly, that was the exact word I had in my mind too! lol
MC and Liz thank you for reading here. It means a lot to me.
Summer, that was encouraging to hear about the methadone. It immediately felt like a recipe for disaster to me. But I guess its a very controlled environment.
Oh Sandi, I so hear you!!!
Mrs. Dubose, thanks for the insurance info.
Sober Mom, thanks for sharing in my joy! Isn't that awesome?
Tori, thanks for being here. I think you and I walk such similar journeys...and I think we have similar personalities...we want to help everyone. lol I think you are better at having fun than I am though!
Anna, we just saw an attorney last week. We will be pursuing that and see what opens up. Its a long process from what I am hearing..up to 2 years. Thank you for still reading me here. You have been a faithful attendee to my thoughts for several years now. I am so grateful that you have stayed around. <3
Glad to hear things are going well. Keep pushing forward. Your hope and strength is the only way that we can show others it is possible to live happy, joyous, and free.
<3 love reading your blog!