Tuesday, February 4, 2014

It feels personal to me.....

Everyone in our virtual hang-outs is talking about the tragic death of Phillip Seymour-Hoffman. Since he died from the disease that has plagued my life for my *entire* life, since I have lived with the fear hanging over me for most of my years that one of the addicts that I love will die....this feels personal. It feels like a personal loss. When I hear negative and cruel comments about him dying from an overdose it feels like a personal slap in the face....because that could be my girl, that could be my brothers, it could have been my mother or my father, my grandmother or my grand father, my uncle, my aunt, it could have been anyone. It could have been anyone. It can happen to anyone. Addiction does not discriminate. It can happen to anyone.

What is scary as shit is that he had been clean for 23 years. He relapsed and struggled for the past year. We are never home free....our addicts or those of us who love them. We always have to rely on our faith and our HP, our program and whatever tools we have scraped together that keep us on our feet. Just for today.....

R.I.P. Sir.
My prayers and compassion to your beautiful family.

Annette


6 comments:

Grace-WorkinProgress said...

I felt so sad to hear about him. I think that our most sensitive souls are prone to addiction Their demons get the best of them and the drugs make them feel normal. We fear that the things we think about ourselves are true and some choose to escape.

Hattie Heaton said...

Yes, 23 yrs is what freaked me out. I hate the ignorance of the media and their inability to report without judgement. Look on my FB page at the article on Russell Brande in Esquire magazine. A great article.

indistinct said...

Nicely said, Annette.

"We are never home free"

In some book, somewhere it says "What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. "How can I best serve Thee - Thy will (not mine) be done."

Each day, I need to remind myself of this.

Thanks for sharing your experience with us.

Signe said...

Annette, that is what scared me, too. Twenty-three years sober I felt should make him home free. How scary and sad that he wasn't. We were talking about it at lunch, yesterday, and someone said if you go back to the same habit, same 'dose' (for lack of a better word) because your body's not used to it, though your mind thinks it is, it can be fatal. I hope I explained that clearly. Anyway, It made sense to me when that comment was made. How sad this all is.

mary christine said...

Relapse is often fatal. It is so sad that it seems to take the best and the brightest. But it is a fact of our lives.

Addiction-A Mothers Perspective said...

I completely agree with your words. Far too many people are finding out every day that addiction knows no social boundaries. There is a great piece in a blog written about exactly what you're writing about. I've posted a link to the piece in my blog.