Friday, January 17, 2014

Gratefuls

1. Today I was thinking about my girl and I was filled with tremendous gratitude for these past few months. I don't know if this is "it" or how long this will last, but I realized that that isn't my concern as of this minute, because no matter what, I have had these several months with her and nothing will ever take away this time we have shared or the memories of it.

The miracles don't end with her. Just as she is being transformed, so am I, and its not through any brave actions on my part. I know as well as anyone that this makes no real sense. Its like saying 2+2=7. I know! Our daughter becomes gravely ill and it leads us into a journey that changes the very core of who we are. I can't explain it to anyone other than to say, "Its a God thing." Its grace, its compassion, its mercy, extended to me when I gave up trying to do life my own way. I had all of my own character defects that ruled my life. Fear, control, manipulation, thinking I knew best and forcing situations to go the way I thought was best, anger, pride...I was, and still do hold the potential to be just as sick as my girl let herself get to be.

She and I are each in our own process of growth and letting go and release. Today I am so grateful for that process. Even during dark times of her being out there lost in the world, I felt hope....not so much about her sobriety, but that there was something more. Something I didn't understand that was working in our lives. I felt certain that God could see the both of us. We weren't lost to His sight. We weren't lost at all.....despite what it felt like.

2. The other day I took my little Hospice client to get her nails done. As I sat waiting a *beautiful* young girl came in and sat down next to me. After some small talk, she proceeded to share her story with her nail guy of her addiction, being "out there mixed up in some pretty crazy stuff," court ordered treatment, time lost, but "treatment did exactly what it was supposed to. It showed me how to get my life back." I just listened. It was beautiful to hear her....she was filled with gratitude and joy for everything, her "cool" boss who gave her a job, who works with her around her school schedule, her family who took their time "welcoming her back in," her sponsor, her program. The nail guy asked her about school and she shared how afraid she was going to school the first day, everyone would be younger, smarter, more capable, etc. "But I did it!" She is beginning her 2nd semester on Monday.

When it was time for me to go, I patted her shoulder and told her I really appreciated hearing her story. She said, "Really?! Thanks for telling me that!" The whole darn encounter was so refreshing! I don't know what the purpose was.....maybe nothing more than to see that my girl isn't the only beautiful young thing forging on ahead.

3. Today the craziest thing happened to me! I was driving and the back trunk lid of my station wagon flew open and all of my work stuff flew out all over the road. LOL A clothes pin had gotten in the way of the latch so when I closed it it didn't latch.... Obviously.

I pulled over of course and started to head back to pick it all up when I noticed that all of traffic had stopped and everyone was getting out of their cars and helping me pick everything up, carrying it back to my car for me, asking me what I do for work since I have all of this myriad of supplies in my car, laughing, asking if I've got it all ok.....the kindness of strangers. No honking, no yelling, no swerving around me impatiently.

Simple encounters that I just LOVE! They fill me up and I don't think they happen by chance. I think they are a part of a bigger picture and I think we all have these encounters if we only stop to notice them. We all are connected in some way. I challenge each of you to look for the good, for the connections, for the bigger picture that we share.....and then tell me all about it! Because your stories fill me up too!
Love to all.....
Annette








5 comments:

carrie kaffer said...

I love this, Annette- purposely looking for the good, warm and helpful. There is some information lately about how it is inherently human to pay more attention/remember more vividly the negative things that happen. This made sense when the stalking saber-tooth could kill you, and appreciating a gorgeous sunrise would confer no survival advantage. Likewise, it makes sense in today's world to realize there are few sabertooth tigers (um, at least not in my community, lol), that the guy who cuts you off in the car queue is not a lethal threat, and that it is OK to pay more attention to the positive! I also share your opinion about synchronicity.

SoberMomWrites said...

God moments. Love them!

It's amazing the journey He takes us on to get us where he wants us to be. Faith us not questioning and just going with it. It's taken me a very long time to stop fighting and just surrender.

So far it's working. Sounds like it's working for you too!

Hugs...
Sherry

Syd said...

I'm glad that people were so kind and picked up your strewn papers. That restores my faith in fellow humans. Lots of good things going on for you. I'm happy about that.

Cameron VSJ said...

Great post Annette! I was reading up on a few of your posts just now and had a quick question. I was hoping that you could email me back when you have a moment. Thanks!

- Cameron

Signe said...

I have been going through something very similar, here. It has to be supernatural because on my own, I would still be wringing my hands and popping tums. "Amazing Grace."