I want to thank everyone for their comments. Some were jarring....and I wondered if they affected me that way because I wasn't on my antidepressant?! LOL
I want to be clear that I am not against medication. I believe that depression is a mental illness, and I have watched many many family members suffer from its affects. Many times it has led to substance abuse issues, violent angry outbursts, reckless behavior, catatonic behavior, I saw the effects of electric shock therapy on my sweet mom during a time where it was not as humane of a treatment as it is now. I have watched my daughter wrestle endlessly with deep debilitating life altering depression....I have used the reasoning of "If you had heart disease, diabetes, cancer, whatever....you would take your meds! This is no different!" many many times.
My girl will probably be on meds the rest of her life. I have friends who will need their meds the rest of their lives. I am ok with that. I agree with that. I would personally commit to that if I felt like I needed that. Another friend mentioned she was on meds until they weren't working, then she stopped. Until that didn't work anymore, then she made the change to whatever it was that she was needing at that time. That is what I think I am doing. I was on my medication for 10 years. That is not just a minute...that is 10 freaking years. My whole life has changed in 10 years in some very dramatic ways. What worked 10 years ago may not be the best solution today.
The comment that really hit it for me was from my dear blogger friend Signe and she was actually commenting on my post before this last one and she said.... "I don't think your depressed. It sounds like your nervous if you can make it on your own or not." That was it! She put into words exactly what I was feeling and fretting about. Was I going to be ok? Could I really do this?
The answer is....we will see. If it stops being ok, I will seek out what I need....and now that I opened this door and invited you all in, I will keep you all posted!