Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Ways that we are changed......
As my readers know so well, I have my triggers and my fears.....but I think that through all of this, I learned it was either sink or swim, so I started swimming! Fast and hard. I am not who I was 10 years ago....a fear driven crazy woman. My faith has sustained me in some very deep ways. My faith and my relationship with God has grown and become so solid because when I felt that my world was crumbling all around me, those things were right there to catch me. They didn't let me free fall very far before I was grabbed up in the gentle hands of Jesus Himself. *For the most part* I am not afraid anymore. As in I don't live in that scary place every minute of every day. I am not angry, or depressed, or without hope anymore. I am tired though.
I cry a lot, not necessarily because I am sad....but stuff touches me. The broken finding love, compassion, and acceptance undoes me. Seeing someone's fear, hearing the stories of people who have been through God only knows what walk out their recovery day by day, humbly and without fanfare, seeing someone extend a hand to those who are marginalized, dirty, seemingly without worth...when they are seen just for being a person, flawed and broken like us all....those kinds of things do something to my insides. I want more of that in my world.
I am one of those crazy one's who is incredibly and miraculously grateful for all that I have gone through. I pray for my girl's healing now. If she can make it, like all of our kids, she will have some incredible hope to share with others. They each will have their own beautiful story of redemption to share. I hope for that day. I look forward to it.
All is not lost when addiction touches, not just touches, but encompasses our lives for a time. It is ONE OF THE MOST PAINFUL and life changing things a parent, a family, can go through, but I believe wholly and completely that good can come from the devastation. We can find new life with meaning and substance. We can understand hurt people, we can live emotionally healthy lives with boundaries in place, but still have open hearts.
Lord sustain us all.
“Only after disaster can we be resurrected.”
― Chuck Palahniuk (Fight Club)