Friday, October 4, 2013


1. blood relationship
2. the state of having common characteristics or a common origin. 

I just watched the documentary, "G-Dog and the Homeboys" that Hattie over at Praying for Henry recommended. There were so many beautiful elements within that movie and I am so glad that I watched it. The humility that I sensed was stunning.  There were no harsh judgements, boundaries and parameters were set in love, endless unconditional love and acceptance for the broken and imperfect among us. Lots of second chances, never giving up.

There was a lot of talk of "kinship" and belonging and being home. What important concepts for all of us. We all want to belong. Its a common human need to belong to our people, to know that we have a place in this world that is ours. I think that us parents here in our blogger world have created a sense of kinship with one another based on our many common experiences. Most parents don't ever experience checking their sleeping child to see if they are breathing, or give a thought to what they will do when they get the phone call that their child has been found dead of an overdose. Most parents don't shop for rehabs and fight insurance agencies to make sure their sick kid is covered for treatment. But we do and that has forged a bond here with people we have never met in real life.

I share a kinship with my girl also. Years ago I wouldn't have called it that. I would have said we were fighting our way through her teen years, pushing and nudging one another, trying to be the first one to gain control of a quickly spiraling out of control situation. Trying to be the victor, to be the one who had the upper hand. Ugly, angry,  scary, times were they.

Our life is much different these days. Even prior to her new sobriety, we had come to a place of surrender with each other. She was who she was. I could not change her or her choices.  She couldn't change me and all of my control tactics or fear driven actions. We both stopped. She went about her business and I stepped back. I was only commissioned to love her unconditionally. Accept her as she was at any given moment. Not to change her. The kinship that we shared was that she was my girl. Flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone, she lived for the first 6 months of her life solely nourished from the milk that my body made specifically for her. I believe that the more I surrendered and stepped out of the way, the more God was able to love her through me. I got to be the vessel of His perfect love for her. By God's grace. There were no promises of a cure, or healing, because these types of things are two way relationships and she had her part. She had to respond. I had to respond....less of me and let more of Him shine through. I got to continue to love my girl when she was at her most broken. A painful gift to me. Know that loving sometimes requires hard actions. Its not always about feel good hugs and visits...sometimes its about saying "no," or being quiet when all of your good ideas are just brimming at the tip of your tongue, loving is often letting go of a preferred outcome and choosing to accept whatever you are left with.

Kinship....she and I are each others people. We belong to each other. Whether she is clean or not, whether I am fear driven or not....we are kin. That is a beautiful thing when God gets to put His spin on it. Its not based on control or being in charge or in each others business. Its almost the total opposite. Its open, its knowing that we are here, together, but traveling our own individual journey's. Its a beautiful thing.

G-dog...what a beautiful spirit that man possesses.  He see's the unique gift in each broken human being that he encounters. He has God's vision. I hope you will listen to his stories below on compassion and kinship with his people.

Let's keep praying.....



Hattie Heaton said...

Annette, thank you for watching! I think folks get sick of me going on and on about him, but he's so radically different than those of our world, that I need his example. I also ran across another Jesuit priest who is sober and the ACoA and is in Al Anon. Look on You Tube for Father Tom Weston. He will have you in stitches! Have a great weekend.

notmyboy said...

Your attitude is beautiful, Annette. I too love my son unconditionally....even when he stole every piece of my jewelry, thousands of dollars and everything of value in my home from his dad, myself and all his siblings repeatedly. He was still a value to our family. We knew he was in there...the real boy, and everything else was just stuff. That is why I never gave up on him...and never will. I forgave him almost instantly. How else can I expect God to forgive me?

Annette said...

Hattie, I have heard Father Tom speak several times. I LOVE him!! I went away to a weekend conference *by myself* one year at a Catholic conference center...where he was the speaker. It was wonderful. He is very funny and real. I came away with lots of his CD's which have since been donated to my Alanon meetings CD library, but he is awesome. I am glad you found him too. :o)

Signe said...

Beautifully stated. :)

Syd said...

So good to know that you have that love for your child. No matte what, the love is there. And that is really awesome. Thanks for writing this post because it is a good reminder that those who have children who suffer from the disease have it especially hard.