Friday, September 20, 2013
My little Rosebud
I found a pair of part leather, part suede Ugg boots on Ebay yesterday. I have been wanting them for a couple years but new they are around 249.00. I just could never spend that much on a pair of boots for myself. But these....were used a little, soles are perfect, top near toes will look new with some shoe polish or mink oil, annnnddddd.....The auction was ending soon....but I had to shower and head out to work. I had my laptop sitting on the bathroom counter so I could bid at the last minute...and I won. I have a great pair of boots coming in the mail for a 55.00. Like new.
I spoke to my new therapist today on the phone and set up my first appointment. Later in the day I had what I am assuming was a little panic attack in the grocery store. My heart was pounding and I started crying....I had to leave my cart and go into the bathroom. I stood there in the bathroom stall crying for no reason. I felt so pathetic. This is what I was like back in our early days of my girl's addiction. I couldn't make it through a whole grocery shopping trip. I couldn't quit crying.
I was wondering if because my girl is doing ok for now, and is being independent for the most part....not calling and needing us constantly, if I am feeling like I can fall apart. This feels awful though, really awful and I told the therapist, "I know enough that I know that I have to walk my way through whatever this is to get to the other side to be healthy." Good Lord....I feel like a drama queen and I HATE that. I am the helper, the encourager, not the one who needs help.
Ok, I hope y'all are managing and thriving and happy this evening. I still pray for our kids everyday.