Friday, September 20, 2013

My little Rosebud

This sweet girl is my new "therapy" dog with my client who doesn't like to shower. I am going to have to come up with a new name for her, because she is showering every week now. I brought Rosie over with me one day and my little friend's whole face lit up. She was so happy, she actually laughed out loud. The other day I persuaded her that I needed her help to take Rosie to the groomer. "Ohhhhh ok, I can do that." She held Rosie for the drive over, we dropped her off, went and got a coffee, some apples from a local ranch and went home to make applesauce. Today my little friend was throwing a tennis ball for Rosie to chase after and bring back....and she was laughing and playing. It was beautiful! Rosie jumps up on the couch and snuggles in next to my little friend and she pets her for the whole 4 hours I am there. Rosie is in heaven and I think my client is too. There is just so much improvement there, it really is so rewarding when you find a way in and can connect. My client is happy, not fretful, clean, she even let me give her a manicure and pedicure today.

I found a pair of part leather, part suede Ugg boots on Ebay yesterday. I have been wanting them for a couple years but new they are around 249.00. I just could never spend that much on a pair of boots for myself. But these....were used a little, soles are perfect, top near toes will look new with some shoe polish or mink oil, annnnddddd.....The auction was ending soon....but I had to shower and head out to work. I had my laptop sitting on the bathroom counter so I could bid at the last minute...and I won. I have a great pair of boots coming in the mail for a 55.00. Like new.

I spoke to my new therapist today on the phone and set up my first appointment. Later in the day I had what I am assuming was a little panic attack in the grocery store. My heart was pounding and I started crying....I had to leave my cart and go into the bathroom. I stood there in the bathroom stall crying for no reason. I felt so pathetic. This is what I was like back in our early days of my girl's addiction. I couldn't make it through a whole grocery shopping trip. I couldn't quit crying.

I was wondering if because my girl is doing ok for now, and is being independent for the most part....not calling and needing us constantly, if I am feeling like I can fall apart. This feels awful though, really awful and I told the therapist, "I know enough that I know that I have to walk my way through whatever this is to get to the other side to be healthy." Good Lord....I feel like a drama queen and I HATE that. I am the helper, the encourager, not the one who needs help.

Ok, I hope y'all are managing and thriving and happy this evening. I still pray for our kids everyday.


Tori said...

Other than my kids, my dogs always made my Aunt smile. When she was driving just before she passed she would come out here once a week and study the bible with B. My smaller dog who is 87 pounds would lay next to her with half her body on my Aunts lap. My Aunt would pet her the entire time. Animals are amazing therapy. I am glad your client is getting better - regarding your last post, we did the same with B when he got out of jail. Mainly just a lot of cavities it was well worth it. Is that a panic attack? I have done that a couple of times and would hide because at that moment I shouldn't have felt like that. Maybe for so much of the time we are "on" that the quiet times is when we crumble. Take care my friend.

Christina said...

You enjoy those boots. Wear them well. You deserve it.

And yes, crying in the grocery store is ok too. I call it a spiritual detox. You deserve that too.

God bless you!

Anonymous said...

Perhaps someone already mentioned this, if so, sorry for the repeat but have you had your thyroid checked? Some of the emotional "stuff" you have been going through is VERY similar to what I was going through for awhile. Terrible crying spells that were coming out of nowhere, depression, mood swings. I'm also entering menopause so it's a double whammy. Honestly, I was starting to think I was going a little nuts, lol. If you have any questions or just need another friend my email is


PS: I love how your precious little client is starting to come to life again...such a beautiful story your sharing with us all.

kberman said...

Sounds like you are right on track to me. Remember when you prune, you have to go down to the live part and cut it off to stimulate new growth. You are right on about now using your energy for your new growth. You are entering a new world and will be amazed at what you find.

SoberMomWrites said...

You know...I think you're on to something here. I spent my entire life being the one who kept it all together. And I mean my WHOLE life. I was brought into the world as a way to heal a broken marriage and it never stopped. Even as a child I was the peacemaker, the go to person...the strong one.

I took a lot of pride in that role. But the body can only take so much and after my father died I became clinically depressed. It wasn't long after that my drinking began to escalate.

Maybe it IS because we can only take so much before we break. Maybe your body and mind knows that your girl is on the right path and so it's saying, "You can keep going if you want but I think we're going to take some time to start healing."

I'll be interested to know what your therapist thinks (that is if you're comfortable sharing). Be nice to know that I'm not, you know, actually crazy, and that it might be a (gasp) normal reaction.

I love how you're not settling for less than the best. You're powering through and finding answers. It's inspiring.


n bloom said...

When my son first got clean, I was still full of fear that he would relapse. As I started to relax a little about that, I found a profound sadness creeping in. I couldn't understand what was happening because I felt that I should have been joyful -- I was getting what I had prayed for, worried about, obsessed over. I think once I wasn't on such high alert worrying about him actually dying, I finally started to absorb all that had happened over the past few years and finally had time to grieve. I still vacillate back and forth between extreme gratefulness for his sobriety and extreme sadness for the pain that brought us here. But, going on a year of his recovery and I think I am recovering slowly, too. I hate to bring up that PTSD again.... but I seriously think we all have it! Hang in there, because it does get better:)

Mary Christine said...

You are so smart with your elderly client!!!!!! I am so impressed.

I hope your panic or PTSD or whatever it is will be short lived. It is good to see a therapist.

Signe said...

I think that adjustment and change can cause a lot of old stuff to bubble up. I think it can also misplace emotions so that you're crying in a bathroom at a grocery store. When this new part of your life gets settled, so will your emotions. Like popping popcorn. Once the heat is off, everything settles. Keep moving forward! :)

Hattie Heaton said...

Annette, I love your posts. You find something hopeful, always. Those boots were made for walking....wear them well. I'm doing a Bible study on fear right now. Did you know that fear is from Satan? Google the discernment of spirits, it is an Ignatian exercise to help you to discover the impetus of your feelings......interesting.

Mrs. Dubose said...

I wanted to drop in and share a blog I wrote about Loving An Addict. My daughter's rehab counselor implored me to read this daily and it helps.


Syd said...

Nice, Annette, that you are getting something for yourself. And the dog therapy is great. I know several people who takes their dogs to nursing homes and the people there relate so to the animals.

As for the crying, we all need help and have our time for tears. It is a cleansing thing as long as I'm not sinking into self-pity. A good flushing of the tear ducts doesn't hurt anyone and can actually be helpful.