- A picture Molly put on Instagram from her 21st birthday celebration. You can imagine.....but let me say that she was fully clothed, it was nothing horrible, illegal, or out of the ordinary for a 21st birthday celebration. It was so typical really, that I am embarrassed that I had such a *weird* and over the top reaction. TO ME it hit something deep deep inside of myself. I was like a raving lunatic. Mad, crying, SO FILLED WITH FEAR, we argued, we apologized, we have made up....but I hurt her feelings. I lectured about the dangers of drinking, the genetic pre-disposition, the two girls that just disappeared from their hotel parking lot who are believed to be caught in a sex trafficking ring....I was crazy. This was in text messages the next morning at 7am as I was getting off work and she was getting ready for work. So what the heck is wrong with me?! The kid was up at 7am getting ready for her job that she has held for almost a year! Really by the time I was done, I felt like I needed to be committed.
- A friend whose daughter came home sick and addicted is miraculously well, flawless skin, meat on her bones, and happy after a mere 4 weeks recuperating under her loving parents watchful eye. She has gotten a job making 200.00 a day, and is moving right along, drinking beer and smoking pot all along the way to take the edge off. For some reason, this pisses me off to no end. The parents are so relieved and feel like, "Hey, problem solved." I feel mad. Rip roaring angry that it was so easy for them and that they are ok *settling* for that in their daughter. Why am I not ok with half way? Why do I feel the need to dig in and look at every nook and cranny and get to the roots of our shit? And what has been the fruit of that? My girl is STILL in treatment, yet again, all of these years later. I am STILL having melt downs.
- It was suboxone pick up day today. I had planned on picking it up and having lunch with my girl at park day for an hour before I needed to be at a baby shower. She informed me that her boyfriend was coming for the park day....."but I can change him to another day mom." My martyrish reply...."Oh no. The arrangements have been made, its fine." It is anything but fine. I felt pushed aside, the delivery driver.....but more than any of that, I don't want her having contact with him, I want her to WANT to not see him anymore, which is none of my business!
And then this...."Everyone won't choose to do it the way we do it. Including our adult kids, and we are going to have to decide how we are going to let that affect us and our relationships." Well its obvious what I am going to do.....THIS! I swear my anti-depressant that I just refilled was a placebo!
Pray for me.