Denial seems to be such an act of desperation. When I indulge myself in it and when I watch other's indulge themselves in it I know that we are acting in fear. The ultimate act of avoidance, an act that lets us cling to illusions of what is, that lets us feel sane just a little bit longer.
I think one of the hardest, most searing things for a parent to do is to look head on at the condition of their sick child. I think that is why I feel the need to mull it over, to talk about it, to write about it...over and over and over again. I still have those moments, 10 years later where I am shocked and astounded that this is where we are. I have an adult child who is not just a big partier, but someone who is addicted, reliant upon, methamphetamine and heroin. How the heck did this happen?
I think going over it keeps me out of denial. Out of false hope. Out of false expectations. It reminds me to mind my own business, that its so huge... I am most certainly powerless over it all and am left to only trust God.
Yesterday the dad was called to jury duty. The case was a drug case that involved meth making and distributing....he sat through it all, waiting for his name to be called so that he could ask the judge to be excused. He explained his child is in treatment right now for a meth/heroin addiction and there is no way he could be impartial to a dealer of those drugs, or any drugs, really. They released him right away.
I am on my week long job. I love it here. It is so serene. The dad texted me for my meatloaf recipe yesterday. Then again from the market asking where they keep dry onion soup mix and bread crumbs. LOL. This man is 55, able to figure out how to fix anything, has major responsibility at his work and has been the main breadwinner who keeps us afloat for 28 years...but he needs me! LOL The Alanon in me was tempted to say, "Ask someone who works there." But instead I thought this is just us...this is how we work. I explained, "soup aisle, to the right of the cans, top shelf, in a box with 2 envelopes in it. Lipton. Bread crumbs are in baking aisle."
Afterall, if I get a flat tire, I don't call road service....I call him! But we both know if we were unavailable to the other, we would know how to take care of ourselves. I know HOW to call road service and he knows HOW to wander aimlessly through the store til he finds what he's looking for.
We are talking about doing the Whole30 but his concern is giving up Otter Pops and mine is giving up cream in my coffee. These are the vices of non-drinkers! lol
Anyway, I'm just rambling. Oh wait...my girl got voted least "likely to cause drama" and "most kind hearted and willing to serve others" in rehab. Her older brother said that should be a bumper sticker.... :o/ I was happy for her of course. He said he was too, but he just couldn't pass that up. To cover his tracks he said we should have a coming home party for her. Uhhhh, yeah, I don't think so. Good try son.
Ok All.....I hope you are having a fabulous day. Much love to all...