Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Denial

Denial seems to be such an act of desperation. When I indulge myself in it and when I watch other's indulge themselves in it I know that we are acting in fear. The ultimate act of avoidance, an act that lets us cling to illusions of what is, that lets us feel sane just a little bit longer.

I think one of the hardest, most searing things for a parent to do is to look head on at the condition of their sick child. I think that is why I feel the need to mull it over, to talk about it, to write about it...over and over and over again. I still have those moments, 10 years later where I am shocked and astounded that this is where we are. I have an adult child who is not just a big partier, but someone who is addicted, reliant upon, methamphetamine and heroin. How the heck did this happen?

I think going over it keeps me out of denial. Out of false hope. Out of false expectations. It reminds me to mind my own business, that its so huge... I am most certainly powerless over it all and am left to only trust God.

Yesterday the dad was called to jury duty. The case was a drug case that involved meth making and distributing....he sat through it all, waiting for his name to be called so that he could ask the judge to be excused. He explained his child is in treatment right now for a meth/heroin addiction and there is no way he could be impartial to a dealer of those drugs, or any drugs, really. They released him right away.

I am on my week long job. I love it here. It is so serene. The dad texted me for my meatloaf recipe yesterday. Then again from the market asking where they keep dry onion soup mix and bread crumbs. LOL. This man is 55, able to figure out how to fix anything, has major responsibility at his work and has been the main breadwinner who keeps us afloat for 28 years...but he needs me! LOL The Alanon in me was tempted to say, "Ask someone who works there." But instead I thought this is just us...this is how we work. I explained, "soup aisle, to the right of the cans, top shelf, in a box with 2 envelopes in it. Lipton. Bread crumbs are in baking aisle."

Afterall, if I get a flat tire, I don't call road service....I call him! But we both know if we were unavailable to the other, we would know how to take care of ourselves. I know HOW to call road service and he knows HOW to wander aimlessly through the store til he finds what he's looking for.

We are talking about doing the Whole30 but his concern is giving up Otter Pops and mine is giving up cream in my coffee. These are the vices of non-drinkers! lol

Anyway, I'm just rambling. Oh wait...my girl got voted least "likely to cause drama" and "most kind hearted and willing to serve others" in rehab. Her older brother said that should be a bumper sticker.... :o/ I was happy for her of course. He said he was too, but he just couldn't pass that up. To cover his tracks he said we should have a coming home party for her. Uhhhh, yeah, I don't think so. Good try son.

Ok All.....I hope you are having a fabulous day. Much love to all...
Annette

8 comments:

SoberMomWrites said...

Do your Whole 30 but don't give up those two things! I'm still drinking Diet soda and eating goat cheese and I still feel fantastic (most of the time anyway). I mean come on girl! Some things are just non-negotiable!

Smiles,
Sherry

Patty D said...

Great share, thank you...sometimes when I share in a mtg and feel Im just rambling, thats the times my fellows tell me they get so much from what I have said. LOL wandering aimlesly doen the isles....love the most likely and least likely votes for ur daughter! God bless yall.

Signe said...

You made me laugh about the bumper sticker. I like that they had a vote. It gives her some good mortar in the new foundation she's building. Also, I think one of the down falls of Alanon is not really knowing when to help or not. I don't go anymore but when I did, that was the one aspect that bothered me. I understand the concept, though I don't always agree with it in every situation. I'm glad you two turn to each other for help. :)

Mary Christine said...

Thank God you helped the dad!

Someone once told me that this is the only culture where "need" is a bad word.

Another thing: in early sobriety someone asked me: If you were 14 years old and could see your whole life until now, what would you have done. Without a nano-second of hesitation I said "shoot myself." He responded, "but you didn't, and you got through all of that and you are OK, right?" And I had to answer "yes." I don't think it pays to try to look to the future as a "big picture." We just get through it One Day at a Time. And after all, it may be very good!

Unknown said...

Oh my goodness Annette, I can so relate to your writings about your daughter. Mine is currently in treatment on suboxone for opiate addiction. She also has mental illness which makes everything much harder. I so hoped by now, she would be settled into a career, but even though she gets hired alot of places, she never stays more than a few days, week or months. She told me the other day "I don't want to work." My heart fell to my stomach. I have spent countless hours trying to figure out a direction for her. Thanks to Al-Anon I am now beginning to just let it go. She is living with a man who is abusive but stays because he pays all the bills. My acceptance of this situation is slowly growing. Thank you for your blog, it gives me assurance that I am not alone.

dawn said...

Funny, I'll be writing about my husband today as well! Yes, I recall once when he was in the grocery store and on my list was penne. He called as well, had no idea what it was or where to start looking. So, I directed him to the pasta isle. Ha, he called a SECOND time, stating he could not find it. "go to the brand with the green boxes, find spaghetti, look directly under the spaghetti boxes and 'voila, you'll see penne"
Yay, good job camper!! lol

Um, what are otter pops?

And omgosh, least drama is a dream client for all staff at a treatment facility of women. ughhhh!!! Girl has some maturity there - this is good and she'll use that trait to adhere to a more grounded foundation in recovery this time. Really!!!

Annette said...

Unknown...our stories are amazingly similar. I don't share every thing here, like about the abusive bf who supplies all of her needs and will be a harder tie to break than the heroin and the meth. But there is work being done there too.....so who knows. Feel free to email me if you would ever like to talk further. lv4gves@comcast.net

Annette said...

Dawn, I sent you a picture of Otter Pops on FB. :o)