Thursday, July 18, 2013

What have I done.....

Remember the family of men who was trying to put together care for their mom, girlfriend, friend, room mate? How it all seemingly fell through? Well it didn't and they ended up waiting for me for 6 weeks to become available to care for her. In that 6 weeks my circumstances changed drastically.....I quit a couple jobs, changed my whole schedule so that I could be home during the days....but because I felt obligated because they had been waiting for me, and because the head of the senior support program for our county referred me to them, I am now going in to their home twice a week. Through various circumstances I am still working about 6 hours, 2 days a week on top of the 45 hours at night. Thats ok I suppose (read: really its not ok) ....I sleep at the night job off and on so its not like its hard labor or being awake and on my toes constantly. I just don't like feeling pushed into something and I do and I know that only I can change it.

The biggest problem right now, is that once again I have been referred to as patronizing for being kind, for trying to engage and connect. I don't know how else to do what I do. I am who I am and I said as much to the second son. I asked for his input on how to connect with "the most intelligent woman" he has ever known, if he feels like my methods are not a good fit. I am NOT the most intelligent woman he will have ever met. I am just me. I am not up to the minute on current events and politics. Again, I am just me. My focus is on my little circle of clients and families and children....both adult and littles, who rely on my input. I am just a lowly 15.00 an hour caregiver! My big joy is to bring her solutions for some of her physical issues, special organic shea butter lotion for her dry skin, to pick blackberries with her and make a cobbler...that is me. If that is patronizing, then so be it. I don't know what else to do. I am planning on giving it two weeks.....if its doesn't improve, I am stopping.

Other than that, I am busy letting other people live their lives and not sharing my every thought with them. This alone is a full time job for me.

Still praying for our kids.....Mama whose child OD'd this last week, you in particular, if you still are reading here, your child is in my thoughts these days. I held onto the picture you sent me this morning and prayed and sent love and healing vibes your way. Hang in there friend.....



Anna said...

They are so lucky to have you and not all that bright if they do not realize it.

Anonymous said...

Boundaries. You sound like me, I don't seem to have any when it comes to ME. Do what is good for YOU, not everyone else... yes, easier said then done for sure! I got myself into a pickle just this evening and am trying to figure out how to get out of it. I hope as a grow older and "wiser" I will learn to set boundaries... I hope you do too, your still a young soul ;)

SoberMomWrites said...

I have some words for that son but...I'll keep them to myself because I've never walked in his shoes.

I wonder what the mom thinks? Does SHE believe you to be patronizing? Really, she's the only one who's opinion matters. If she is enjoying your company and appreciative of your help and SHE believes that the two of you communicate just fine, then I don't see that his opinion matters very much at all.

Next time he provides this oh so helpful feedback I would look him in the eye, smile and say, thank you so much for you feedback. I will definitely take it into consideration.

And then file it under, "son's who don't know shit about care".

Just my two cents. Have a blessed day my friend.


Grace-WorkinProgress said...

Sounds like you are judging yourself and feeling less than. No one can make us feel that way except us.

Letting a frustated son whose life probably doesn't have time for a sick mother stir up your own doubts isn't productive.

Being a good and kind caregiver is a selfless job and it is a privledge to have someone like you there in the end.

It is not about him it is about her.

Annette said...

Sherry, this client has Alzheimer's and isn't sure of who I am or what I'm doing there when I come. I think a big challenge for family members is accepting their new reality with their brilliant and charming family members.
Grace, I'm not feeling unsure. If anything I'm feeling like "screw them!" I'm fully open to the idea that I may not be the right fit for this family and that will be fine.

Signe said...

Intelligence comes in many forms. Most of the time people confuse it with being a math wiz or being able to 'logically' debate current events. However, to get stuck in that rut eventually paints you into a corner where you are blinded on the sides and only able to see in one direction. I think intelligence is knowing what a person needs and how to nurture those needs. Intelligence is providing the means and method to help a person be well rounded and 'complete.' I think berry picking and baking, knowing when to sit quietly and have conversation, taking a walk down a quiet path, and listening display intelligence as effectively as being able to diagram a sentence. Do what you need to do for you, Annette. It sounds, though, that if you stay with those people, you already know what to do to best help your client. :)

Syd said...

Annette, I wonder if the shock of seeing the brilliant mother become incompetent and forgetful is fueling the criticism. If the family isn't a good fit, then they will have to find someone who is and you can free up more time. I wanted someone who was caring and loving for Mom. If I could have magically transported you across country to live here, I would have. You are awesome.