I met with a couple mama's who are in similar situations as most of us here. One told me about her moment of spiritual awakening which was so similar to mine.....it inspired me to begin a "series" on my spiritual journey.....coming soon! A lifetime of situations and events have played into my spiritual evolution and I have been left with a relationship that is so beautiful and so important to me. I am amazed that I have been given this gift....I haven't always felt this way about God. I used to feel like He was constantly angry with me. What I have today is the polar opposite and it is a direct result of the past 11 years of my life.
The other thoughts that I were left with after this visit was that we all do this journey in different ways. These mom's have not chosen to work a program and have gone with their instincts and their own coping behaviors. One in particular has had a long long journey with her child....the child is improving and living a relatively healthy life by all appearances. Certainly more so than my girl currently is. Some of their methods bothered me, I didn't agree with them, and I struggled with judging them as I listened.
My program has consisted of pulling the covers back on our family's stuff, exposing, digging in and taking a good long look at our dynamics and behaviors and character defects and being honest about them....at least to the best of our ability on any given day. What has been my part, my role in this family? How have I contributed to the dysfunction? Not to beat myself up or blame, but to shine light on the dark and then take steps to learn new ways to do life. Ways that work better for us, that are more conducive to living in honesty and freedom. We make amends when needed, we keep short accounts with each other these days.
I was feeling agitated, like I wanted to *tell* them a better way, show them the areas they need to look at.....yes, obnoxious I know! Total arrogance. But if I am going to walk in the light, those character defects pop up in me from time to time. Too often if the truth be told.
Fortunately I know enough to keep quiet....most of the time. I had to remind myself that God is in charge of their journey, not me and really, not even them. God can lead and direct their steps and they can choose to respond or not.....and it has nothing to do with me! Its none of my business! But....what about? But, but but....have you considered? I am not in charge of their journey.
I was able to leave our visit feeling relieved that I didn't have to say anything or try to convince them to do things a different way. The words, "but, but but what about" were only faintly gnawing away at my insides. Progress not perfection....right?