Saturday, July 13, 2013

Meeting of the heart

I have a friend who shares this journey of addicted children with me. We see each other maybe twice a year, but keep in touch through text and phone inbetween...there are no words for how much this friendship means to me. We get each other. When we speak of having to acknowledge that our kids could die and accepting that fact and living with it, learning how to continue to live a joyous, happy, and free life DESPITE that fact... we both know that we know what that truly is like day in and day out. Other mother's don't talk about this stuff when they get together. They don't live with the possibility of their child's death hanging over their heads. If they are sleeping they don't watch for signs of breathing. We get that no amount of personal recovery or Alanon or prayers can take away the fact that there is always a stab of pain in regards to those kids in our lives who use substances to put themselves out of their misery. We go on and we work, we live, we serve others, we learn how to take care of ourselves and be relatively happy....but its always there in the back of our minds and this friend understands that.

We sat outside at a Starbucks and we laughed at what we must of looked like, because our mouths were in constant motion talking, we would cry, then we would laugh.....we joked that anyone watching from inside would think we were crazy and call the sheriff to come do a welfare check on these two crazy women outside of Starbucks.

Another friend called yesterday and left a voice mail. In that voice mail she spoke of her newly born awareness that her child had been trying to kill them-self for a long time with their drug use. It made me think of my girl who swears she has never been suicidal. Isn't chronic IV drug use the ultimate act of slow suicide though?

The yellow line is the hike route.
In the midst of these dark goes on. I am thinking up what my big physical feat will be for my 50th birthday. I am leaning towards hiking Half Dome with some friends. Holy smoke please surround me.....have you looked at any pictures of that?

My son wants me to do Mt. Whitney with him...I don't know if that is even a possibility for me. The peak is at 14,300 feet elevation. Will I be able to breathe up there? I reminded him that only 50% of the hikers who set out to conquer Whitney are successful. My son, bless his heart, said, "Yes, but what if you are part of the 50% who DO make it?!"  I will keep you all posted....I may end up just going out for Mexican food!

I have a year to get in better shape than I was in last summer. We will see. Now I have put it out here....y'all will know if I don't make it!

Life is good despite the first half of this blog post. I love my girl. I love my family....I have a great family. In the middle of discussing these hard topics with my friend yesterday I was getting texts from Molly with her "upset" of taking her dogs to be groomed and then coming back to find one of them with a lopsided haircut. She shared her plans of going to the state fair to buy a fair corndog and funnel cake...."I will send you a picture mama!" I've got a 27 year old son who invites me to conquer mountain tops with him, and my little one who knows everything and can lead the way in all of her 12 year old wisdom...what would we do without her?! lol I've got my faithful old hubs who walks with me each day, tired or not, he never gives up on his family. Yes, life is good.



Tori said...

Life is good, isn't it? I look at my younger one and my Husband and even though B has and continues to use drugs, I have so much love in my family I am very lucky.

Signe said...

The first half of your blog really hit home. I don't know how I would be if my daughter died. I imagine myself selling the house and moving to some remote, secluded, cabin. I think I might be too angry to appreciate anything. My knees got week when I saw that mountain. Should you take the challenge, you have my support! Bravo to you for even considering it. :) I'm happy that life is good for you. What's even more impressive is that through all of what you've gone through, you can still appreciate all of your blessings. You're a good person, Annette.

Mary Christine said...

I've tried twice to climb 14ers. I figure I should try a 13er. I get to that last little bit and just can't do it. Mostly because a fear of heights. I hope you can do it! What a wonderful way to celebrate 50 years.

Lolly said...

I don't know why, but I felt compelled to send you this song from Ben Howard. After reading the first few paragraphs about sharing your journey with a friend, this song popped into my head and I felt like maybe it would comfort you. The lyrics of this song helped me realize that I was finally coming out of the darkness of that first awful year of Alanon. And I say awful because it felt awful to me. So many changes...learning to let go and let God...learning to love and forgive myself and my qualifier...allowing myself to feel whole and redeemed. Yes,Yes, Yes! exactly what he says in the song is true...Keep your head up, Keep your heart strong!

Chelsie Charmed said...

I'm confident you can do anything you put your mind to. And Congrats on soon to be 50 years :) I've heard everything gets better after 50, kind of like if we made it this far the rest is easy... let me know if that's true. I have my doubts lol but its positive. I've also mentioned you in on of my posts hopes that's oki.