Last night was my last night ever with my "little grumpy old man." He spent that last night-up-all-night-long angrily banging around his house looking for a bill. I had to call this morning to verify that the bill had been paid and ask that they send a receipt to him. It was sad to watch him, but it confirmed to me that I do not have the personal emotional resources to meet his needs anymore.
The good news is that the family has hired not one, but two new caregivers for him which means he will be alone a lot less. Not to mention that the adult kids have committed to be there at least one day a week also.
I also gave notice to another family yesterday. A family whom I have grown to love and true to form, they were gracious and kind and together we came up with a plan to fill my spot.
I began my new position earlier in the week and I love it. Its straight forward, I go in at 11pm and do night time bathroom care, and then leave to go home by 8am.
The people that I am probably the most indispensable too are my family. I am part of a whole here and when I choose to invest myself elsewhere, in other families, because sometimes, to be brutally honest....it is so much easier... I upset the balance of our lives. We all function for the most part on our own, have our own interests, work, hobbies, but if you have no one to share them with.....you feel a loss.
Work has been my escape from the stresses here at home. It has been where I have been made to feel worthwhile....if I can't fix things at home, at least I can soothe a memory impaired old woman and make her feel beautiful and heard for a few minutes.
Today I am meeting little one and a group of mom's and kids for a river day. Then we have soccer practice. Then come home to make dinner. A normal day in the life of me.