Saturday, June 1, 2013

Its hot here....

and the older I get the less I like the heat. If you remember, during the winter I complained of being too cold all the time. I just couldn't get warmed up. Now I just can't get cooled off. I'm one of those who is never happy! (not really)

I am so tired today. I am home alone all day getting ready for a week long live-in position....back in the gated community. I spent my day watering everything, filling my bird feeders, grocery shopping so the dad has something to eat while I am gone. He is dropping the little one off at big brothers for the week! Whoo hoo! They have all kinds of fun planned. Camping, fishing, hiking, a visit to big brother's office for lunch and to meet all of his co-workers, video game tournaments, movies, swimming...they are beside themselves to have a whole week together.

It looks like the job for the son who made the comment about me patronizing his mom, is off the table. I had some commitments that I couldn't break and I didn't have any open time soon enough for them. Thank the Lord. I am so glad it all fell through. I don't want to work any more than I already am.

I had the most wonderful and unexpected conversation with little one yesterday on the drive to school. She is 12 now and we got to talk about "the mean girls" in school and little one's take on that whole dynamic. She was very insightful. I asked if anyone was mean to her....no. No one gives her a hard time and she is nice to all of them too. She told me about a time in kindergarten when she didn't think she would make any friends (remember, this is my quiet, thoughtful, little thing) so she just stayed to herself. She said that now she always tries to be friendly to the kids who are quiet or no one else seeks out. I told her to always keep in mind that she is creating a memory with each of those kids....when they are in their 40's they will look back and either think, "Ahhhh little one, she always was so nice to me. I knew she would never tease me or hurt my feelings on purpose. She was a safe person to trust." OR "Oh gosh, little one made my life miserable in middle school. I will never forget how awful those years were!"

As I walked around the yard today I could see signs all over that my girl had been there. These are always bittersweet to me. I have some irises that I planted years ago that have limped along....never getting flowers on them. I saw that they each had some good soil all around their bottom and some bone meal. I found a little area where some lilies had been planted and bordered with some small stones.....again with some good soil and plant food added in. In the midst of being so lost that she can stop and do something like this, grabs me by the heart. It is so sweet and such a simple and "normal" thing to do....but it is one of the very few simple and normal things she does. It hurts to see it. When she does nothing then I have no response. I feel nothing, I just keep on going. When she does something it is so precious, like a bright shining beam of light piercing through the vast amount of dark nothingness surrounding those simple acts.

Annette

5 comments:

Tori said...

I feel bad for the Lady that the job fell through but I know for your sake it was for the best.

Have a good week!

Pammie said...

I think sibling love can make a moms heart burst with joy.

Tiny little reveries said...

Your little one sounds like a jewel.
And what your wrote about Your girl and her little efforts to nurture and do normal things brought tears to my eyes. They do just want to be normal. Their drug use, it's all so that they can just feel normal because their make-up is different than non-addicts.
And I know what you mean about the heat! Maybe it's menopause, but I sure do feel it more now than I used to!

Sober Mommy said...

It is miserably hot, isnt it? I had hoped for more of a gradual summer, not one where we were using out heater last week and now the AC is running nearly 24/7. Makes me miss home, at least there the fog rolls in around 5pm after a 100 degree day :)

Hope you are doing well, been thinking about you alot. You are always so busy, no idea how you manage to keep up!

Signe said...

This was like reading a positive inventory of your week (with the exception of the heat and I'm 100% in agreement with you--ugh). I'm glad these good experiences were there for you to be a part of.