Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Someone is bugging me

and I don't really know what to do. I think I should probably just suck it up and smile and let her be. I go to the one meeting that is close to my house since I live in the middle of nowhere. There is a woman who goes there who affects me like nails being pulled down a chalkboard. I feel bad but really I want to jump across the table and tell her to shut the 'F' up! There are all kinds of  little complaints that I have about her which I won't list here, of course. Last night someone caught me rolling my eyes though! Not OK. I do feel so strongly about our meetings being a safe place to be and watching someone (me) roll their eyes at someone elses stuff, ruins that safety! In my defense she wasn't talking about her personal life. She had some information to bring to the rest of the meeting but per her usual, she had about a quarter of the information needed and then just says she doesn't know. So we are left with the date we need to be somewhere but don't know what our responsibilities are or the time or the address. And I....rolled my eyes!

These things happen I suppose. We can't like everyone. This is to the point where I don't want to keep going to that meeting though. Its a small meeting and if one person leaves it will be quite obvious. I have missed several weeks in a row just because I wanted to stay home and they started calling me. Which is so nice...I was missed! If they knew how I was feeling though they would probably say, "Yeah, go ahead and stay home!"

So what I have done so far is reached out to my sponsor. I haven't heard back from her yet. I have acknowledged that some of what I see in this woman that bothers me so much is probably mirroring my own behaviors that bother me so much about myself. I am horrified at that idea....but I am sure there is some truth in there. I am thinking that I need to begin to pray for this woman who is not evil personified. She is just a true Alanon....telling everyone what to do, how to do it, correcting ME often which I think is at the heart of the matter if the truth be told. Or if I have an idea she will brush it off and say, "No no no."

I feel like I don't want to be pushed out of my meeting by a personality conflict. So my choices are to let it go and let her be in charge and do things her way. To state my thoughts on issues as they come up as part of the group conscience and if they are shushed away, choose to not take it personally. Confront her....but I would rather chop off my thumbs then do that. Pray, click my heels and think happy thoughts....thats all I've got people.

Feel free to share your ideas. I need your help!


Grace-WorkinProgress said...

When I first got in the program the business stuff drove me nuts people were so into the control. I didn't get it because I was a manager at the time and had too much control.

We all have different issues that we play out in the rooms and some people are living very different lives than we are.

I had to learn compassion for myself and other people and accept them where they are just like my alcoholic at the time.

I also think even now that I would do a better job. That is how in the past I ended up doing everything.

I always know God is trying to teach me something about myself even if I am not ready to learn.

I know I will always get another chance because until I do it happens again and again.

Signe said...

Grace has a very good point: "I always know God is trying to teach me something about myself even if I am not ready to learn." That happens a lot (at least to me). So, it could be that. We're not the only ones who need to learn something, though. So do other people. The woman who is bugging you, may be in need of some lessons, especially if she is shushing you off. Not cool. So, what I've done in those situations is work on both, me and the other person. I work on my anger/anxiety by trying to focus on all of the positives. I kind of 'push into' that negative emotion I'm having--experience it, understand it, filter it out--then, I start to feel calmer and I can focus on what that person is doing and saying and if it involves me, I can then react appropriately with calm and the wisdom I am always praying for. Before I see the person of annoyance, I say a prayer to the Holy Spirit to give me the words to reach them or the calm to stay quiet. After my mind is aligned like that, I start looking forward to the experience to see what is going to happen. I know how frustrating it is, but try not to focus on that. It's hard, I know. Find peace, because I would hate that you quit going because of her. Peace to you, Annette!

Pammie said...

I have no great advice this predawn morning. I just wanted to come give you a blog hug and send some good love vibes your way. :-)

Anonymous said...

I, too, cringe at the thought of confrontation unless someone does something to wrong my husband or son, then look out lol! But I do think God puts "difficult" people in our path to help us stretch and grow. You've got alot of wisdom and good instincts Annette, I think you'll know when/if you need to confront her.

Dad and Mom said...

See I am not one to give advice here. I am the type that would begin the sentence.... Listen....then it would definitely go downhill from there.

Good luck, I know you will handle it well.

Tori Lee said...

We can't like every person and like you I don't much like to confront people. Well, that is all I have! lol

Susan Rickels said...

Annette- Sorry I haven't been writing. I had to buy a new laptop. I know we aren't going to like everyone we meet in life. How we deal with it is up to us. I would hate to see you leave a meeting based on one persons negative energy. If you reach the point where she interferes to the point that the group isn't helping than I do think going to a different one might be a good option. JMO....xoxo

Syd said...

"You may not like all of us, but you'll come to love us in a special way. The same way that we already love you." Reason things out with one another--I get that. And perhaps she is your teacher. I realize that there are many personalities in the rooms. I don't have to like everyone but am guided by the traditions and the steps to have compassion, look at my part, and realize that some of us are simply doing the best that we can at the time. It will work out.