The guilt factor

I was at a meeting last night and it was a meeting that happened to be filled with hurting parents. Several of them made reference to feeling guilty for not working their program well enough. For not doing it right. For sending money, for not being strong while the cops searched their home, for feeling sad, for not being able to let go, etc. etc. etc.

Finally, it was my turn to share and this is what I said. Right, wrong or indifferent.....

"There is no guilt for this. No parent is ever prepared for these types of circumstances. No one looks at their beautiful precious newborn and thinks about their plan if they by chance grow up to become a drug addict. No parent knows how to live with the possibility that they could get a call that their child has been found dead of an overdose, weighing on their shoulders day after day. These are abnormal things that we deal with. They are painful and scary and its ok to feel afraid and sad and not know what to do. I would say those are "normal" feelings. We are doing the best we can each day under some unthinkable circumstances. AND THAT IS GOOD ENOUGH. Our programs, our Higher Powers, our self help books, and our friends and families give us support and tools to navigate this crazy world we live in...but it does not remove the pain and the sadness. We can find peace in the midst of the turmoil....I do believe that. I have experienced that. We can learn how to continue to function and live our lives, but that does not mean that we don't feel the pain or that we always know what to do next. It means we get stronger and we learn how to carry on *despite* our children's issues. Its ok to not have the answers, to not do *it* right sometimes. Are we enabling, are we loving too much, mothering, interfering, we can drive ourselves crazy trying to figure it all out...so its ok, in my humble opinion, to just be. We get through each day the best we can and that is good enough."

Moving on to other depressing subjects.....I mailed out the almost last of our measly reserve to pay the IRS today. We haven't owed the IRS in many years, but this year due to some kind of weirdness with our house interest, we owed. We are left with barely anything...we didn't have much to begin with. Hey, college and rehabs are expensive. I read on another blog that I read, about the writer's frustration with paying even more of her hard earned wage into a system that is not managing their funds well and leaving many of their citizens untended too in some very fundamental ways.....Amen! I am not happy that on top of what they took all year, we have to give MORE to a system that is failing in some very basic areas....education, health care, care for their mentally ill are at the top of my list.

On the other hand, after I sent the check off certified mail, I felt relief....at least we had the money to send. Its done now. One less thing to hang around nagging at me. Afterall, the two things in life we have to do.....pay our taxes and die. One down.

Little one and I are going to do some paper-mache work today. Paper-macheing with little kids....now that is right up my alley! Its going to be a good day.

Annette

Update: I am watching coverage of the Boston Marathon tragedy. God be with those families affected by this act of evil today. Fill all of us with courage to continue on during these dark days.