I wrote a post and it felt like a big whine and disrespectful to my girl's privacy who is still trying, despite lots of slips, so I took it down.
My girl continues to fight her demons and I give her credit for that. She has not given up. It actually makes it all the more poignant, to see someone want to change but be so trapped. There are no rationalizations coming from her anymore....it is what it is and its awful.
At my NAMI class the other night, they talked about self care and we broke into groups to discuss the effects of our kids mental illness on our lives.
The questions were:
What are the hardest aspects of living with mental illness in your family?
How has it affected your life?
What effect has it had on other family members?
What I found were we all had similar feelings....disappointment, grief of what would not be, and feelings of isolation and holding it all together. Like Alanon, NAMI has provided me with that same feeling of "I am not the only one." We talked about meeting once a month once the class is over to stay in touch and see how each other is doing. We created a phone list. I am hoping that we actually do it...that we really do stay in touch.
I mentioned in my deleted post that my teacher asked me if I would consider going through the training to become a teacher of the class. Maybe. I am fighting my own depression right now. Sometimes helping others helps us though....I will think about it. There are tragedies in that room....a young son who was an expert rower,
recruited by a prestigious state university to be on their rowing team, only to crack under the pressure and come home delusional with a diagnoses of schizophrenia. A beautiful daughter in law school who had to drop out due to the onset of her mental health issues....later to be diagnosed with schizo-affective disorder. I cry when I hear their stories, they break my heart....somehow I think you can't be the parent-teacher and cry at the same time. lol
On a lighter note.....I was looking online at our health records and they had a page called "ongoing health conditions." I was reading about my girl's ongoing health conditions and then I thought I would look and see if they had any listed for me. I went over to my page and there, in big black capital letters, in all their glory, was the word, "OBESITY." I literally gasped out loud! It was added in 2005 and they haven't seen me since I lost my weight.....I better hurry and get in there before I gain it all back! And for the record, I would rather be called "fat lady" or "two ton Tilly" than "obese." That is such a gross word. And the term "Morbid obesity." Or ice cream called "Skinny Cow." Ugh.....who thinks this stuff up?!