I want to quit working. All together. I don't want to go back.
However, I can see that me working is probably a good idea. I would just stay at home in my mountain oasis and work in my yard and read books and exercise and take naps. And be broke.
Right now my schedule is yukky. I leave Tuesday night and I don't come home again until Thursday morning. Then I work all day from 8:30-5:30 on Fridays. All the rest of the time I have off though, so its a mixed blessing/chore.
Two of my jobs require me to work my program quite a bit within the walls of their home. Usually I go to work for a break from my real life! Not right now though.
My night time client is a high needs gentleman, both physically and emotionally, and I have had to work at getting along with him and setting boundaries of how he will be allowed to treat me. I HATE confrontation. I really do. But it had to be done. I like to go to work because my little old people always adore me. They are filled with gratitude at the care I give to them. In this situation, he is often angry and you can't please him. He is very fearful and reacts in anger. I am trying to understand life from his perspective. If he steps over a line though in his nastiness I stop him. I have told his kids I won't participate in that. (I don't have to go to every argument I am invited to.) I tell him I am going to give him some time alone to settle down and I leave the room and find something else to do. I return after a few minutes and act like nothing has happened and he almost always has reeled himself back in. The past couple weeks with him have been so much nicer.
My next client is a woman with very advanced Alzheimers. She was a radiant, dynamic, retired from 40 years in a medical career, wife and mother. It is a wonderful family... except for one of the daughters who wants to be in control. For example, the mom needed a shower. She is terrified of showering...but I have ways to slowly and gently get the job done. The daughter said, "Don't worry, I will help you." What?!
It ended up with both of us looming over the mom, the daughter rushing and pulling her clothes off and then not knowing how to get them off of her feet and trying to lift her feet while the woman was standing, talking loudly and shooting water all over her. She means well, but my gosh. I was stressed out after that. I can only imagine how the mom felt. I have tried explaining that they hired me to do a job, a job that I have a lot of experience in, and if I can do my job that sets her free to just be the daughter. To sit outside with her mom, to brush her moms hair, to snuggle up with her and read out loud to her...whatever they want to do. But leave the diapers, the bathing, the dirty work to me. I am really good at all of that! LOL
So again, I am trying to look at life from this daughter's perspective. She is losing her brilliant mama and she is grief stricken and terrified and wants to be in control of everything. So I am having to step back and let her try her ideas, even when I know they aren't going to be helpful or feel good to her mom. I am there to advocate for the mom though...."no, going on a long car ride to the zoo and then wheeling around is not a good idea. Its terrifying to her. Its all unfamiliar." So I am feeling stuck in the middle....of what I know to be good and wise care for this woman and letting go and letting someone else do it their own way. Sound familiar?
Personally a nap sounds so good.