Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Job frustrations.....

I want to quit working. All together. I don't want to go back.

However, I can see that me working is probably a good idea. I would just stay at home in my mountain oasis and work in my yard and read books and exercise and take naps. And be broke.

Right now my schedule is yukky. I leave Tuesday night and I don't come home again until Thursday morning. Then I work all day from 8:30-5:30 on Fridays. All the rest of the time I have off though, so its a mixed blessing/chore.

Two of my jobs require me to work my program quite a bit within the walls of their home. Usually I go to work for a break from my real life! Not right now though.

My night time client is a high needs gentleman, both physically and emotionally, and I have had to work at getting along with him and setting boundaries of how he will be allowed to treat me. I HATE confrontation. I really do. But it had to be done. I like to go to work because my little old people always adore me. They are filled with gratitude at the care I give to them. In this situation, he is often angry and you can't please him. He is very fearful and reacts in anger. I am trying to understand life from his perspective. If he steps over a line though in his nastiness I stop him. I have told his kids I won't participate in that. (I don't have to go to every argument I am invited to.) I tell him I am going to give him some time alone to settle down and I leave the room and find something else to do. I return after a few minutes and act like nothing has happened and he almost always has reeled himself back in. The past couple weeks with him have been so much nicer.

My next client is a woman with very advanced Alzheimers. She was a radiant, dynamic, retired from 40 years in a medical career, wife and mother. It is a wonderful family... except for one of the daughters who wants to be in control. For example, the mom needed a shower. She is terrified of showering...but I have ways to slowly and gently get the job done. The daughter said, "Don't worry, I will help you." What?!

It ended up with both of us looming over the mom, the daughter rushing and pulling her clothes off and then not knowing how to get them off of her feet and trying to lift her feet while the woman was standing, talking loudly and shooting water all over her. She means well, but my gosh. I was stressed out after that. I can only imagine how the mom felt. I have tried explaining that they hired me to do a job, a job that I have a lot of experience in, and if I can do my job that sets her free to just be the daughter. To sit outside with her mom, to brush her moms hair, to snuggle up with her and read out loud to her...whatever they want to do. But leave the diapers, the bathing, the dirty work to me. I am really good at all of that! LOL

So again, I am trying to look at life from this daughter's perspective. She is losing her brilliant mama and she is grief stricken and terrified and wants to be in control of everything. So I am having to step back and let her try her ideas, even when I know they aren't going to be helpful or feel good to her mom. I am there to advocate for the mom though...."no, going on a long car ride to the zoo and then wheeling around is not a good idea. Its terrifying to her. Its all unfamiliar." So I am feeling stuck in the middle....of what I know to be good and wise care for this woman and letting go and letting someone else do it their own way. Sound familiar?

Personally a nap sounds so good.



Summer said...

I've got nothing here except God bless you for what you do!! Holy cow, I'm not sure I'd have the energy or the patience.

Pammie said...

If I quit work, I'd do the same thing only on the coast instead of the mountains. I hate confrontations and love naps. LOL

Anna said...

They are so lucky to have yo u.

Anna said...

They are so lucky to have you. I think you should give your opinion in your own gentle way and see how the daughter takes it. She might be a faster learner that way. If not, you can step back again. You are the paid expert here.

Syd said...

The elderly gentleman sounds so similar to my FIL before he went into the nursing home. He is very weak now but his anger last year was terrible and deeply destructive to all. Hang in there.

Signe said...

I needed a nap after reading all that you do! Wow, Annette, you are an amazing person. My next thought is, who is taking care of you? Remember the oxygen bag, though. When it pops down, on this amazing flight you're on take care of yourself first. In fact, a few extra breaths on the side probably wouldn't hurt. Go gently, my friend. :)

Sheri said...

I think you should keep doing what you are doing. Your gentle and caring ways will shine through, just like they do here. Some people just need to get comfortable. They are lucky to have someone who has the patience and goodness to perservere!

Anonymous said...

“Prayer of an Anonymous Abbess:

Lord, thou knowest better than myself that I am growing older and will soon be old. Keep me from becoming too talkative, and especially from the unfortunate habit of thinking that I must say something on every subject and at every opportunity.

Release me from the idea that I must straighten out other peoples' affairs. With my immense treasure of experience and wisdom, it seems a pity not to let everybody partake of it. But thou knowest, Lord, that in the end I will need a few friends.

Keep me from the recital of endless details; give me wings to get to the point.

Grant me the patience to listen to the complaints of others; help me to endure them with charity. But seal my lips on my own aches and pains -- they increase with the increasing years and my inclination to recount them is also increasing.

I will not ask thee for improved memory, only for a little more humility and less self-assurance when my own memory doesn't agree with that of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be wrong.

Keep me reasonably gentle. I do not have the ambition to become a saint -- it is so hard to live with some of them -- but a harsh old person is one of the devil's masterpieces.

Make me sympathetic without being sentimental, helpful but not bossy. Let me discover merits where I had not expected them, and talents in people whom I had not thought to possess any. And, Lord, give me the grace to tell them so.

― Margot Benary-Isbert

Jorgo said...

Lovely prayer

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