Saturday, March 30, 2013

Easter, obsessive fear, and a yummy recipe....

I am making this for tomorrow for whomever gets to drop in. Some kids have to work, some live too far away, and some might show up.....we will see. It is nice to be able to go into a  holiday and let it play out as it will and not be filled with expectations and demands to make it be the picture that I think it should be.

Currently the step grand-kids are here along with baby Ruby. I am here to tell you that its much different, feels far more noble, to stay up all night with a crying newborn, rather than a crying puppy. We are watching her for a week while the kids work, do school and get ready to move to their own apartment where the pet deposit is paid and ready to receive the little demon, I mean the little princess.

Molly and I usually text and talk everyday. So I was filling her in on the behavior of her little baby.....and she wasn't answering. Not only that, the messages were being sent as "text msgs" and not "i-messages." Something was wrong. I just knew it! I called her and her phone went right to voice mail. I texted her several times....the kind that say things like, "Answer me!"

Ok, I am about to share a true confession that will make you all feel much better about yourselves...this really is how crazy I can get. I am embarrassed to say it, but I am better than I used to be! In my mind, the only reasonable explanation was that she had been kidnapped from the dark parking lot after work. Or, maybe had gone out with friends after work and gotten drunk and then arrested. Maybe a DUI. Maybe an accident and she was dead and they just hadn't contacted me yet. In Molly's defense, any of these things would be totally out of character for her...and an accident can happen to anyone. In my world though, things can often spin out of control without anyone ever meaning for them to. Who sets out for a night of fun and plans on getting a DUI?

I laid awake listening to the puppy cry, watching her run around, and thinking about where Molly could be....She couldn't possibly just be asleep in her bed for the night?! Could she? I obsessed some more. This morning when I got up I thought I would give them until 10:00 and if I didn't hear from them I was going to start calling! I am ashamed to say that I checked the county jail website to see who was brought in during the night.

The good news is 10 came and went, I was out walking and I decided to wait to see how it all played out, because the reality was that she was probably fine. Sure enough my phone rang. "Mom! My God. I forgot my charger in the car and it was dark so I didn't want to go back out to get it. I was in bed asleep the entire time you were sitting up obsessing!"

I apologized, "I panicked."

"I see that." Poor thing.....can you imagine what it must be like having me for a mother?!

I got off the phone and cried on the trail. I haven't gotten tripped up like that in a long time. What happened? How can that craziness come out of nowhere and knock you flat down?

Thankfully, she is a forgiving girl. She knows where my craziness comes from. Later she texted me..."Its ok mama."

All I can do is try again next time.

Happy Easter everyone. I am thanking the Lord today for His redemptive power in our lives. I am so grateful for His unconditional love and His long-suffering patience.

PS: Those of you who have shared pictures of your precious kids with me.....I am still praying. I just want you to know.


Tori said...

We could share ideas and then we would have new things to think of when our kids go missing for one second.

I do that to little brother all the time. Since he lives with us and is only 14 we have much less to worry about RIGHT NOW but I already have the GPS on his phone (doesn't work if their phone is turned off though).

Love the cake!

Lolly said...

I can relate to all of your "craziness". I've done the exact same thing to all 3 of my grown kids. Why do I always assume that it's death that has taken them from me? Why do I never think that maybe it is too dark for them to go out and retrieve a phone charger from their car? Thanks for your honesty Annette! I am right there with you in those codepedant thoughts. Happy Easter!

notmyboy said...

I do the exact same thing. WOW! This is a life changing moment for me. I seriously thought I was the only mom who did this. I play the what if game far too often.

Happy Easter.

Anonymous said...

Happy Easter Annette to you and your family. I can totally relate to your post.I do that exact same thing! When I can't reach my son or daughter I start immediately thinking the absolute worst. Ohh the things that race through my mind..... And when I finally do reach them,I too hang up and cry.I hope and pray one day it'll be different. I'm working on it.

TAAAF said...

I don't have kids, but I've spent many an hour obsessing about the alcoholics in my life, and what they're doing, and why aren't they ....

We at where we're at - self-acceptance allows me to forgive myself for my backsliding in program, so it doesn't get in my way when I'm sane again.

You're a mama who loves her kids, and sometimes you get a little carried away. That's human. Try to forgive yourself, you'll be much happier!

Sheri said...

I won't even go into my crazy behavior when my daughter is late. I just want to say Happy Easter and thanks for the yummy recipe!

Signe said...

I am guilty of this behavior, too. I think it is part of being a mom, living in a world that has increased the potential for harm by 100%. One hour of listening to the news, and you're ready to bar the windows and dig a bunker. It's a scary place out there.

beachteacher said...

Signe said it well. And I do those things too - exactly. My poor kids - I think that sometimes they're sorry they have such a "pro-texting" mother. Take 2 guesses how I became so into it ? You know who I was trying to track & keep up with that developed it.