I in no way am relieving my girl of her personal responsibility for the choices she has made, in my diatribe about the lack of mental health help that is available. Depression and anxiety are not delusional and she has known right from wrong and what was healthy and what was not. However, they do leave one without hope and I do believe that after years of being dismissed or made to feel like your just a "bad kid" or a "druggie" that it becomes too much to fight against and they give in to their decline, their own demise. So yes, I do believe that our kids mental health does contribute greatly to the lives they end up living. That does not mean there is no hope. In most cases I think it means that a kid has to grow up, if the drugs don't take him first or you are lucky enough to find some help somewhere that really grabs a hold of your child. I think there does come an age where our kids realize that they can't waste anymore time and they have to figure out a way to get well. They become sick of being sick. They watch childhood friends go on with their lives while they are stagnate. They begin to want to seek help and apply it, if needed they agree to take medications to stabilize their moods and calm their racing thoughts. It is a struggle usually for many years, but it can happen and it does happen. I am thinking of my old blogger friend Lou's son as I type this. Maybe my girl and I are at that point, maybe she is on her way to creating that life for herself.
I am here to tell you that it does not just miraculously stop and you transport into the life that you had always envisioned for your child. I think there was a part of me that thought that once she began to get well it would be over. She would be well, she would be who I had always thought she would be. But no, that's not how it goes. It is a very very long process, years I think, and it is always changing and has many ups and downs....so many that I often wonder if she really is getting better? She will be whoever God intends for her to be and whoever she is able, willing and wants to be. She will have her own unique story to tell.
Anyway, today is a new day...we will keep moving forward.
I am at a 4 day job right now. Its a 4 day weekend, The dad is on call so he can't leave home which means little one is stuck at home too. I wish so much that this wasn't so. I wish I was home and could take her somewhere fun for her 4 day break. Instead she will have a sleepover, and I am going to see if my girl can take her to the movies today.
The woman I am staying with is wonderful....so cute and sweet and grateful and wants to make sure I am warm enough. The heat is set at 73 and I am dying, I keep assuring her I am fine. They live in a big gated community....me and those gated communities! I can't stand them, but it seems to be where I spend a lot of my time. I am typing away on their granite counter-top that looks out over their pool. A couple ducks just flew in and are paddling around....I like that. lol