Friday, February 22, 2013

Onward we march....

Little one will be 12 on Thursday. Apparently I know nothing these days and its a miracle that I have been able to survive for as long as I have with the minimal intellect that I do possess.  Oh Lord, give me the strength to do this teenage girl thing one more time.

We had a big snowstorm this past week and the morning after as I drove to work, the brilliant sun and the contrast of the fresh snow and the tall pine trees was SO beautiful, it filled with me such occurred to me that maybe my blue mood does really have to do with the weather. I never put much weight in that....I always have loved the winter, when we can stay snuggled inside with a fire going, soup on the stove, etc...but after the past couple summers of hiking and being outdoors....I think I got a taste of  being really active, feeling strong and capable and really, I can't get enough! I need to start some winter sports....snow-shoeing is the most likely. I am not into injury so no skiing, no snowboarding....but while the kids fly down the mountainside, I can trek around on my shoe-shoes.

We went to the mental illness class last night....a lot of talk about co-occurring disorders this week. A lot of the families are dealing with delusional, often paranoid and psychotic kids. Some of the kids are refusing treatment, refuse to believe that they have a problem....but they are hearing voices coming from the tv, feeling responsible for natural disasters as if they had the power to cause them. Then they feel tremendous guilt and act on that guilt. What a heartbreaking nightmare. One mom and I have connected....I think we are so much alike.We both spent years focusing all of our love and care on our families. She hugged me and kissed me on the cheek this past week. Her husband and second daughter accompany her each week. Such a beautiful and loving family stricken by a severe mental illness.

My girl is not delusional. She is matter of fact about her issues, both substance abuse and mental health. She is in the process of doing some in-depth research into the roots of the 12 step movement at the moment. She is finding information tying it to the Freemason's and Scientology. She is reading a lot about the spiritual after death, the Bible, the 12 step's literature on the spiritual aspects of our program. She is questioning the "disease" concept of the teachings..."I made an initial choice. The more I used, the more sick I became, so yes, you can say now that I *am* diseased...but I didn't start out that way."

Its interesting and wonderful to have these intelligent, thoughtful, discussions with her.  I do a lot of listening and let her process what she is reading and learning. I share my faith in a loving and compassionate God who always wants to restore to us what has been lost.....not condemn us and punish us.  

I'm on my second long weekend of work. Of course the income is always much appreciated, but I really just want to be home.

Bless you all.....lets keep praying for our kids.


Signe said...

Communication is so important. I'm glad she's reading and talking with you. This post was like watching the sun come out; the more I read the 'brighter'everything seemed to get. The picture is beautiful.

Lisa Adamski said...

The best perspectives I've gained in my life come from someone who has alternately been recognized as brilliantly gifted, and devastatingly destructive. That reminds me we are all a mixed bag. Specifically, the point of view that we *have* a disease, WE are not diseased and WE are not the disease, puts the disease into perspective. We are bigger than the disease; we have the disease, it doesn't have us, IF we realize the distinction. This concept has helped me countless times in understanding myself and others. What we are is whole, imperfections and all. The perfect human being is imperfect by nature. Thoughts....

Erin said...

I like what your daughter said about she didn't have a disease in the beginning, I agree with her. Unfortunately once they become an addict they have altered their brain chemistry and yes then they do have the disease of addiction.

I love that you shared how you respond in a loving compassionate manner, yes that is how God treats us, it is His kindness that leads us to repentance.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend Annette.

Syd said...

I am glad that your daughter has honesty about what is going on and that you are there to give support through your love for her. The snow looks beautiful by the way.

Grace-WorkinProgress said...

I have done the same thing researching the 12 steps and life after death. I have come to the conclusion that labels though sometimes used with good intentions locks us into believing we will always be sick or damaged.

The steps saved my life by seeing how my thoughts were controlling me and that I could change my thoughts.

They also helped me to get to the core of my pain. Mostly abandonment and how focusing on who abandoned me only prolonged the ability to heal myself. I had to let my story go and focus being loving to myself. Just my experience.