Saturday, February 2, 2013

Lo and Behold.....

All things fell into place yesterday. In more ways than one.

My girl was finally, after struggling for 5 months, admitted into the dual diagnosis program on Wed. She told me that now that she is finally there, it is so clear to her that that is exactly where she belonged from day one and she doesn't know what else she could have done to have gotten that point across. Short of threatening to kill herself. You can see the relief all over her. The therapist, the staff are all kinder, humane, not punitive, they deal with her right where she is at. Her words yesterday were, "three days in this program and ta-da...I feel like today was the most beneficial day I have had through out the entire process." The kindness of the staff means SO MUCH. She said they don't talk to her like they are suspecting her of trying to manipulate them, or like they are above her and she is just the "stupid loser drug addict." They talk to her like she is a person.

My question is WHY aren't all programs like that? Why don't all staff members treat their clients with respect? I think you can be firm and respectful with strong boundaries and limits in place but still allow someone their dignity. And my biggest question of all.....WHY did it take so f-ing long for her to be *allowed* into this program. We were spending 800.00 a month for the past 5 months on co-payments, prescriptions, and gas for the commute, only so that she could sink further and further into a pit feeling like she couldn't so anything right, vacillating between despair of anything changing and anger that no one was listening to her and she was getting brushed off.

The good part is that she didn't give up. Even when it was its hardest, and her needs were not being met and she felt like a failure, she kept getting up every morning and going back. I told her that that has to be acknowledged. She didn't do it perfectly, there were relapses, but she kept going back. To me that is huge and eventually I hope she can see how meaningful it is too. 

It is still the very beginning of a long journey....someone told me some various departments that I can contact to talk about our experience as it is so detrimental to anyone coming through their doors with a serious addiction.We will see.....I think I am just going to let things ride out for awhile.

I also met with Molly yesterday to get the results of all of her college level special ed. testing. She "permanently" qualifies for special ed....the tester said, "There was absolutely no problem with you qualifying. You never have to be tested again...you have permanent accommodations and modifications in place." We left and Molly said, "I know thats good news...but its kind of not also. I'm permanently like this." I think she knew that, we knew that....but to have it confirmed after years of testing and meetings.....that part is done. You are who you are.  It was kind of put out there that "this isn't going to improve." This is it. She will be fine though... she has so many other skills besides the school stuff.

I just finished reading Wild: Lost and Found on the Pacific Crest Trail by Cheryl Strayed. Excellent book and now I am all about creating some big mountain climbing/backpacking goal for my 50th birthday which is in 18 months. I am thinking of the Tahoe Rim Trail....165 miles. We will see.....right now I have gained 10lbs back since Thanksgiving, and my ankle is killing me. I have to get a grip on this before it all gets out of control. But I have 18 months to get myself in shape!

Ok then.....I am praying for our kids. Lets keep at it...the changes they have to make are daunting.
Annette






8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Cheryl Strayed writes about her journey in a very moving way. And you do too, Annette.

Your daughters are finding their ways on their own paths and you are walking beside them. Here's hoping for more sunshine and smoother paths. :)

Take Care,
Holly

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful post....
I think the dual diagnosis is the key here.
I saw it with our son.
I viewed him as an onion. as the program/therapy took hold; the 'layers' of how far he had fallen, became more real to him. When he made the comment 'i will have to LEARN how to live without being numb.' I knew he 'finally' got it.

Your goal for your 50th bday sounds great!

Thank you for letting us know how your daughter is doing.

Sober Mommy said...

SO happy to hear she is finally in a program that will suit her needs and get her somewhere positive! Many prayers coming your way.

bugerlugs63 said...

This is great news Annette, I had been wondering.
I know exactly what she means by most drugs workers not trusting us . . . It's a horrible feeling, especially when we know that we are honest, open people.
I came here tonight to write a post, but there were so many Blogs that I needed to catch up on (and even comment on a few!) that I don't think I'll have time . . . Maybe tomorrow.
So pleased to hear that H is hanging in there, despite all the difficulties.
Thinking often of you both x x

Signe said...

So much good news! So much replenished hope. :)

Hattie Heaton (Mom of an Addict) said...

I am doing the happy dance for you right now. I think that she has so much to be proud of. Tell her we all feel that way. She just kept getting back up again and that paid off!!! Tell your other daughter that as a hiring employer, I am at the point where if they have great grades and amazing credentials, I don't want them. They are usually entitled and beneath my job....and they will never work their way up...they expect to be there now. Good luck with that. Humility is a beautiful thing. Unfortunately it takes the bumps in the road to teach us. So, she has gained that already. Tell her to find her passion and close her eyes and ears to those who impose limitations on her and open her heart to all of the possibilities. Love Love Love good news. Good on You, Annette!

Syd said...

Glad that the girls have found someone to help them. It's important to not feel alone, as if it is just you who has a problem.
Great on the goal for the long hike. You rock.

dawn said...

First, YESSSSS!!!! It really is a beautiful thing when a patient/client can feel validated. I really am thrilled by this post.

I can only speak in regard to MN CD care... and here, where I practice, long gone are the days of 'tough love' for lack of better term. Many, MANY of us in this field, the clear majority, in fact, are in recovery. I attribute this largely to our commitment to practice with mutual respect and a large dose of empathy. Tear em down and build em up is a thing of the past if you follow the MN model - and I do.

this is not to say we don't hold the client accountable. I would NEVER have found recovery had I not had a sponsor who knew how to call me on my stuff,. But she did so by upholding my personal dignity - this was also the case when I entered 28 day treatment.

Dual dx sites are far and few between. Sad, because the CLEAR majority of us suffer from MI in addition to our addiction.

I meet my patients where THEY'RE at, by no means where 'I' think they should be.

And YES YES YES,, prayers continuously for the struggling addict out there - WE MUST NEVER GIVE UP !!!!