Let's get reacquainted....

Lots of you from all different parts of my world asked to follow along and Im so happy!! Some of you have followed me from the very beginning. 

I began blogging back in 2007 to give myself a space to process the struggles one of my children was going through with substance use. I didn't share my blog and just felt like whoever was meant to find it....would. What happened was amazing. 

This was in the middle of the opiate epidemic and families were desperately trying to save their kids. I met so many other parents who were struggling with all of the same feelings I was....fear, anger, wanting to control it all, confusion, and helplessness. We connected in such a deep way, desperate to know we weren't alone...it felt strange. This was 2007....online friendships were a newer concept. But where it didn't feel safe to share these experiences in many of my face to face friendships.... in this blogging community, it did. These parents were going through the same things I was and we were talking about it openly and honestly without fear of judgement. These friendships became such a gift in my world. 

I am friends to this day with many of my early readers. I have flown to see some, we have walked together through losing children, through the ups and downs of recovery, our kid's periodic homelessness, finding adequate and compassionate treatment, advocating for drug reform and eventually as our kids were losing their lives or struggling endlessly to get some sober time, we were introduced to the world of harm reduction and medication assisted treatment. We held virtual baby showers, we supported each other in writing and publishing books, we cheered on the victory's and grieved the losses together ....it was the most unexpected blessing. It was a world you could only understand if you were living it. 

So here I am back again, just to write. I'm a very different person than I was back in the begining. The girl I began this blog for is a miracle. She has some long term (years) sobriety from hard drugs, gained in her own non-traditional day by day fight. No sobriety dates, no meetings, no time restarts during early relapses, she would just get up, brush herself off and begin again. Its been a years long process that has taught me so much about slow healing in a world of speedy solutions and expectations. Healing takes time and our experiences have changed me at a core level. They have given me permission to not work according to an arbitrary time line, to leave room for mistakes and do overs with no shame, no foot tapping, no expectations. I'm hoping she will share here some of her journey at some point. 

Most recently Molly moved home 8 weeks pregnant, and with her three boys, beginning a brutal divorce process. She gave birth to a sweet baby girl in March. Molly has been determined to meet others through out this process, with kindness and I, the woman who has spouted on and on about loving others the way Jesus does, has battled so fiercely within myself to be merciful. We are all in a process, we all need slow healing, and I have come to realize that I really don't know very much about anything. I don't have any answers these days....and that is ok. 

Today, I am living in a household of 9 people.  Everyone has had to make adjustments but we are all acclimating and its going pretty good. The one thing I do know is that I couldn't imagine doing it any other way. We are all each other's people....even when the house is a mess, we are in each other's way, there aren't enough hours in a day, everyone there wants to do the absolute best they can to show up for each other.

I still attend Alanon, ACA, and implement the tools of CRAFT. I coached other parents for several years but when my house filled up with little children and a daughter who needed tending to, I laid everything aside to be able to show up more there. These days I use my recovery tools to try to keep myself on track....I will always be a work in progress. 

My little baby Laurel who was 6 years old when I began writing is now 23!!! She works full time as an office manager for a doctor, works a couple over night shifts as a caregiver and is in school. She just bought her first new car, without a co-signer! She is more together than I am!

Ian and Ashley have an 18 month old baby girl, live close enough that I can go see her and have a sleepover whenever I want to. So 5 grand babies....6 years old- 13 weeks. 

And "the dad" has worked from home since COVID and won't be going back in except for an occassional day here and there. I thought we would kill each other LOL, but its actually gone really well. Its a wonderful way for him to end his career...not commuting, home, surrounded by kids and dogs and cats, he can go up on his lunch hour and lay down for a rest, he can hold a baby so our hands are free to do whatever else.... none of this was the plan, but isn't that how life goes? COVID job changes, a full house, illness, emotional hurts, tearing one thing down to rebuild something new....relationships, physical health habits, emotional well-being, aging....life is full of unexpected twists and turns and we get to show up and figure out how to be our best selves in the middle of it all. 

Lots more to talk about, my goal was to post every Monday, but Ive already gotten behind. 🤪 So in honor of doing the best I can and that being good enough, I will post when I can, hopefully once a week, at some point. LOL 

 So much love to all. 

Annette