So first things first.....I was able to wear my first and smallest dress purchase, the dress I really wanted to wear, and be totally comfortable also. I forgot my wedding sandals and had to wear my Oofos flip flops....but my dress was long, so who cares.
Everything was beautiful. The venue, the feelings, I had all four of my children there with me and all were committed to each other and being supportive of one another where they were at. It was one of those wonderful "mom moments." The succulents that my girl had spent months propagating were a big hit for the wedding favors. The flowers that my wonderfully eccentric florist friend had put together and sent up with us were exquisite. Eucalyptus garlands for the arch and the head table, flower center pieces, that we set out on top of the wooden rounds that the dad had cut from our fallen trees, surrounded by candles and more eucalyptus. It was truly stunning.
Miraculously, I had no anxiety about the flow of alcohol. My long time readers will remember the wedding I went to three years ago that triggered some God-awful reaction of panic and crying for days and days after the event. It just touched something in me and it took me a long time to recover from it. I went into this "wedding of all weddings" feeling quite nervous about it all... I DID NOT want to lose it at my son's wedding. I wondered to the dad if that part of my heart has healed, or am I just numb after all of these years of substance infused events. My son, bless his heart checked in with me several times..."You doing ok mom?"
My girl. My girl did well. It was uncomfortable on some levels, but she worked her way through it. There were several old childhood friends there that she got to re-connect with. I think it was enjoyable, but I think too that it probably posed some challenges. They have all moved on, graduated from college, have careers. And she doesn't.
So while the weekend was a success, it was the thing we had all been anticipating and working toward, creating plans on how to successfully navigate and take care of ourselves and our own unique needs in the middle of a crowded and busy weekend. Once back at home, there was the natural lull,, the let down, and my girl had her old boyfriend pick her up. It's disappointing, unfortunate, but not totally unexpected. I am viewing these things as "bumps in the road." We will see how it all plays out.
I appreciated the dad so so very much this weekend. I watched him walk around talking to everyone and socializing. Even when some guests were so obnoxiously drunk he was friendly and didn't treat them any differently. That would have been a challenge for me.....drunken slurred affection makes my skin crawl. He gave his toast and he was funny and sweet. I just thought of how reliable he is. I trust him completely and I can count on him for anything. After we got back to our room I said, "I'm so glad that you are my husband." He said, "I'm SO glad that you are my wife too! That was wild out there!" LOL
Overall, it was a wonderful bonding healing time for all of us. Not without its bumps, but all was navigated in kindness and calm. Thank you to those of you who reached out to me through text and private message to let me know I was in your prayers. There are no words for how much that meant to me. I was surrounded by care and I could feel it.
And did I mention that I got to wear my smaller dress?! 😉
The "MOG" (mother of the groom)