I am on an overnight job tonight. I had to take the dog out and after a whirlwind of a week, I stepped outside to this beautiful spring evening with this sweet old dog on his leash, the scent of the lilacs all around, the night sounds chirping, the moon overhead....and I immediately felt myself come down off the edge. It was like a cold drink of water after being lost in the desert. We walked a ways for him to potty, and all I could think of was the time my son told me that nature and the mountains were like drugs to him. Yes! I miss hiking. I miss that feeling of peace and solitude up in the mountains. I miss being still.
I think, and I hope I don't jinx it by saying this....but I think we may have found a girl to take one of my days each week. I need a break, I need time to do my own life. I used to be able to do this crazy schedule...but all I can think of these days is that I want to be home with Little One. I have so many people who need help though. Its so hard to say no sometimes. Most of the time. Add in that I love to be needed....and you have the perfect recipe for a crazy woman!
Peace will come. I will seek it out. I can't live a life of chaos any more. I am getting too old and too tired. I have to be more gentle and take better care of myself. No matter what is going on with anyone else or how much they need my help.