Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Welcome 2014

I am in a bummer.....and yes I've already started back on my anti-depressants. I lasted 3 months without. 

The new year feels daunting. When I look at this past year, I worked an inordinate amount of time supplementing our income and trying to keep us afloat and fund my girl's treatment. As I shared earlier,  all of that work is falling away now and I think I am in a bit of a panic. Work serves two purposes for me.....income of course, but also it allows me to focus on someone else other than myself. Its a perfect avoidance platform. I can be a good-deed-doer and not look at my own life that needs an adjustment.

In working so much I stopped working out, altogether, and I have gained a good amount (not all) of weight back and lost so much physical strength.....I need to begin again, to start over. Lifting weights, cardio work, portion control. The one positive I can think of is that I know what to do to remedy this.

As to my girl.....she is doing well. She speaks and lives as a healthy person speaks and lives. Sometimes I feel like I am living a miracle with her right now. It is her life that she is gently and slowly putting together and its a beautiful process to watch. Today is good.

I am still doing Alanon meetings at the "psych ward" and have wanted to quit often. Just when I feel like "this is doing no good, they don't even remember us from week to week," we will have an amazing meeting with lots of group participation. We will be greeted by a patient from the week before with a hug and gratitude for coming.  So I go back the next week. And then the week after that.

I have a couple physical goals for this year.....to speed (I use that term loosely) walk a half marathon in April, and to climb half dome. We will see. Right now I just want to climb back into my warm bed.

For today my girl and I are taking little one and her friend ice skating and out for warm cinnamon rolls afterward. We will see about tomorrow, tomorrow.

Much love to all......
And I am still praying for us all
Annette





7 comments:

kberman said...

I lasted 3 months also. I had to change because medicare quit covering my antidepressant because it was being over prescribed. I had taken it for 20 years. During my 3 month no medication, I realized i had slight anxiety mixed with the depression. Prescribed new medicine that deals with both and I am so much more comfortable. I just thought I was Type A but I was actually living with slight but bothersome anxiety. So grateful I changed. 37+ years of recovery but I also have depression/anxiety. At age 73, I feel the best ever. No other health concerns. Happy New Year to you and your family. I so love your posts.

Syd said...

I know that you will get back on track with a lot of things that slid away in recent months. Having the medication will help but also you have a great sense of responsibility to yourself and your well being. Your goals sound good. Wishing you the best, my friend.

Dawn McCoy said...

I just wish Einstein had managed to invent a time machine before he died...

Mrs. Dubose said...

Such good news about your daughter! ice skating and cinnamon rolls sounds like a lovely outing.

I think it is normal to get into a funk in the calm after the storm. You've been focusing on others this entire time and now your own needs are surfacing. I am going to definitely focus on myself this year -- all the basics: Good nutrition, exercise, reading, friends, music, laughter.

Here's to better days ahead! Many blessings to you!

SoberMomWrites said...

Are we still doing our whole30? I'm ready to start on the 6th if you are? I'll write a post about it tomorrow to get us jump started. Practicing clean eating is a big one for me thus year...

Sherry

Mary Christine said...

Oh Annette, I hope you feel better soon. Take care and be kind to my friend (you).

Dawn said...

You will get back on track Annette. You've hit a bump as we all do from time to time but, you are strong and you'll get to where you want to be. If the medication helps.....why go off it? You just set yourself back by going off. It's okay to be on it :). Hope your feeling better very soon! For me sometimes the holidays get overwhelming - try as I may to just let go and have a good time and not sweat the small stuff.....it doesn't always work out that way. It can be a lot of work for us moms. We had a Christmas AND New Years celebration this year with all of the family and I am very tired! lol Don't think I want to do that again but, everyone else thinks it should become a tradition. UGH!