First of all, thank you for discussing the Phil Robertson scenario with me. Some of you said things that hadn't occurred to me. Some of you said things that made no sense to me. And some of you agreed with me....whew! The portion that was my favorite was when 'notmyboy' said....."and I am a Christian, a Christian who believes gay people have the same right to claim Jesus as fat people, smokers, drug addicts, liars, whores...and me." Yep, He came for us all and we all are His children and I am grateful to the soles of my feet for that fact. I am still strongly of the opinion that it is not ok for Phil Robertson to lose his job for speaking out on what his religious beliefs are....different though they may be from the masses and whatever the reasoning.
So moving right along.....I have had a day that has felt like a miracle to me. I met my girl early this morning in the city for breakfast and to do some Christmas shopping. She arrived on time and ready to go. We had a breakfast that was filled with HER sharing her life with me....what has been going on, her thoughts and opinions on various topics, we laughed out loud often. During our shopping times, she gathered her purchases, something for everyone, including a couple friends at the house. She went over what she wanted, she chose "responsibly" (her word, not mine) according to her budget and then she bought her stuff. With her own money that she earned. I was well aware to not offer to buy what she decided she couldn't afford...I could so clearly see that that would have stripped her of her dignity in making good financial choices that pertained to her personal financial situation. I would have robbed her of the opportunity to be a self sufficient adult and I could see that she felt good living within her means. It was all so normal and so much fun. We had such a nice day. We can talk about our own personal recovery with each other, there is no tension between us...I am not afraid and watching her every move. Let me tell all of you mama's who are in the thick of the struggle, that this is the first time in 12 years that there has been no tension, no suspicion, no vigilance with boundaries....because she is respectful in every way. She feels healthy so she acts like a healthy person.
Then...remember the isolation I spoke of recently? When you are a family with addiction swirling its way through it, I think its common to withdraw and isolate and drop all of your friends. We used to be quite popular believe it or not! But then it all just felt like too much to maintain and with our family in disarray, it didn't feel safe to let people in. Not to mention that we needed time, a lot of time, to worry about our girl. Once I was in Alanon, I was very busy "letting go of her." That took a tremendous amount of emotional energy and I am not kidding you here. I had nothing left for friends. Thankfully a few hung on to me when I had nothing to give them.
This afternoon when I got home from seeing my girl, a friend and her husband dropped by. It was such a nice visit. My house was a wreck, bags and gifts piled on the dining room table, but I let that go and I just enjoyed the visit. It was so so nice....the husbands connected. Two fathers of two addicted children. I don't think the dad's reach out the way the mom's do....unless you are my blogger friend Ron! :o) I don't think "normie" parents can understand *all of this* the way parents of addicts can. I was so happy to see these two big strong men connect and be able to share their journey with each other.
Then, as if that isn't enough social activity for one day for two homebodies.....we had a Christmas party to go to. The guest list included 70 people. That is a big group inside of a house. I accepted the invitation because we always say, "no" because of the above reasons. This time I decided to say "yes." I got nervous as the time got closer....but we went and we decided that we would do a lot of listening and let others talk about themselves and we had a plan for when we wanted to leave.....but instead we had fun and we left when it naturally felt like it was time to go. We weren't the biggest dorks there and we weren't the first to leave and we had someone to talk to the entire 3 hours we were there. And my crock pot of chili that I brought was THE only one that got emptied....the rest were all full when we left! That means they liked it! Its been a day of feeling regular. I won't use the word "normal" but I felt like a regular person. With a regular family, with only regular drama, who got a regular invitation to a holiday party. It feels really really good. Its been a very very long time since I have felt like just a regular person. It could change tomorrow.....but for tonight I am going to savor it while I sit tapping away on my laptop in my flannel jams when I should be wrapping Christmas gifts to go under our regular Christmas tree.
Bless us all....we are all just regular people at heart, even when we don't feel like it.