Last night I sat, snuggled on the couch watching a zombie movie with my girl and little one. Something with Brad Pitt who predictably survived many many life threatening events and came out always looking like the manly hero and savior of his family. What a set up for real men. lol Not my type of movie, but I have to say, I was on the edge of my seat and it was so fun just being there with my girls. It was about the time spent....not what we were watching, at least for me.
I have been doing my homework....writing out my ideas on my worth and self image. I realized that I have spent my whole life feeling guilty for being upset by drinking. "You shouldn't be this way. You shouldn't be so afraid. You are weird. No one else has this reaction and there are people around who have gone through far more than you. You are ridiculous." The therapist mentioned at our last visit...."You act like someone who has been traumatized."
The thought came to me, "if someone is traumatized by events, thats not their fault. Its not your fault that you are traumatized." That is a new idea, being the ultra responsible person that I am. Everything is my fault or at the very least, I can do something to make something better, not as lethal as it holds the potential to be.
It occurred to me that it just is what it is. Its not my fault. Im not going to go into the realm of blaming my parents either. Or my girl. Its just something that is. We don't have to assign blame to find our way out. We just need to face our fears.
On a lighter note.....anyone have an affordable "little red riding hood costume" for a young adult that they are willing to part with?
Much love y'all....
I'm praying everyday for our kids and US.