Several of the parents I read are struggling. Big huge issues...nothing is ever simple or small in a life affected by addiction...theirs or ours. It is so hard, I know....and my heart goes out to each of them. It can feel like such a long long journey sometimes. Most of the time.
With that said, I don't think I have ever been in the position of feeling awkward sharing good news because my daughter is doing alright while other families are stuck in the middle of it all. I think I recently shared that out of our 10 year journey thus far, she has had a whopping grand total of 11 consecutive months of sobriety at one time. That means I am usually working hard at being ok, letting go, detaching with love,while my adult child is living in very active addiction.
So awkwardness aside, and I know you all will graciously share my joy because that's just how you all are.... my girl had a big victory today. She had never connected with her one on one counselor she had had for the past year. She wanted to change counselors within the program for a long time, but protocol was that she would need to go in and talk to the bad fit counselor and explain that she wanted a different counselor and why. I thought this was ridiculous.....here you have someone who had barely been functioning for the past several years, but you are expecting her to navigate this very awkward and uncomfortable confrontation with someone in a place of authority. This time around in treatment she decided if she had this woman again she would HAVE to do something. She talked to someone else in the program and the person helped her come up with what to say, and encouraged her to do it....don't waste anymore time. She has too much at stake.
So she did. Then the counselor asked for a second meeting to discuss it further with another counselor present. All of this produced A LOT of anxiety and frustration...but she did it. She jumped through each hoop put before her, she articulately explained that she felt that "this relationship held no therapeutic value for her anymore," and she held fast that she needed to make a change.
She had her first one on one with her new counselor today and she texted me afterward.....SO HAPPY and EXCITED!!!! Wishing she had made the change a long time ago, feeling like she had wasted the last year with this woman who was not a good fit, this man was real, told her he was excited to work with her, encouraged her to work step one in her NA workbook and bring it with her to the next visit and they would go over it together...until she finds an NA sponsor. Gave her permission if he "pissed her off to come at him with guns blazing with full ammunition. Don't hold back!"On and on she went with a whole list of positives and how great it felt to be heard on an authentic level.
I sat in the car reading all of this and just cried.....I was so grateful that you all told me a few posts back that you all cry easier now than before. Because it seems like that is all I do these days. Happy, sad, tired....I cry. I am so happy for her. I thought after all we have gone through the past 10 or so years, it makes sense that there would be a "let down" and all of that emotion would come flowing out. I think its a good thing.
I keep thinking, "what if this is it?" What if she is going to be ok this time? What if we are done with all of this hellish turmoil? I haven't felt like that in a very long time, years. I know there are no guarantees, but for today, its good...and for today that's enough.