Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Answered prayers abound....

Several of the parents I read are struggling. Big huge issues...nothing is ever simple or small in a life affected by addiction...theirs or ours. It is so hard, I know....and my heart goes out to each of them. It can feel like such a long long journey sometimes. Most of the time.

With that said, I don't think I have ever been in the position of feeling awkward sharing good news because my daughter is doing alright while other families are stuck in the middle of it all. I think I recently shared that out of our 10 year journey thus far, she has had a whopping grand total of 11 consecutive months of sobriety at one time. That means I am usually working hard at being ok, letting go, detaching with love,while my adult child is living in very active addiction.

So awkwardness aside, and I know you all will graciously share my joy because that's just how you all are.... my girl had a big victory today. She had never connected with her one on one counselor she had had for the past year. She wanted to change counselors within the program for a long time, but protocol was that she would need to go in and talk to the bad fit counselor and explain that she wanted a different counselor and why. I thought this was ridiculous.....here you have someone who had barely been functioning for the past several years, but you are expecting her to navigate this very awkward and uncomfortable confrontation with someone in a place of authority. This time around in treatment she decided if she had this woman again she would HAVE to do something. She talked to someone else in the program and the person helped her come up with what to say, and encouraged her to do it....don't waste anymore time. She has too much at stake.

So she did. Then the counselor asked for a second meeting to discuss it further with another counselor present. All of this produced A LOT of anxiety and frustration...but she did it. She jumped through each hoop put before her, she articulately explained that she felt that "this relationship held no therapeutic value for her anymore," and she held fast that she needed to make a change.

She had her first one on one with her new counselor today and she texted me afterward.....SO HAPPY and EXCITED!!!! Wishing she had made the change a long time ago, feeling like she had wasted the last year with this woman who was not a good fit, this man was real, told her he was excited to work with her, encouraged her to work step one in her NA workbook and bring it with her to the next visit and they would go over it together...until she finds an NA sponsor. Gave her permission if he "pissed her off to come at him with guns blazing with full ammunition. Don't hold back!"On and on she went with a whole list of positives and how great it felt to be heard on an authentic level.

I sat in the car reading all of this and just cried.....I was so grateful that you all told me a few posts back that you all cry easier now than before. Because it seems like that is all I do these days. Happy, sad, tired....I cry. I am so happy for her. I thought after all we have gone through the past 10 or so years, it makes sense that there would be a "let down" and all of that emotion would come flowing out. I think its a good thing.

I keep thinking, "what if this is it?" What if she is going to be ok this time? What if we are done with all of this hellish turmoil? I haven't felt like that in a very long time, years. I know there are no guarantees, but for today, its good...and for today that's enough.
Annette


17 comments:

Anonymous said...

i have read this post over and over.....just beautiful.
so happy to read she doing well.
so much hope this gives me...so much hope.
all the little steps add up....

thank you for the uplifting post.

Summer said...

What a huge and wonderful leap for your daughter! I can't imagine having to do what she did at this stage of my life, let alone feeling so vulnerable at this stage in hers. Very courageous! You have every reason to feel proud, hopeful and excited.

Dad and Mom said...

Little victories lead to HUGE successes. I am happy for you both. I know how big the little things are for our kids.

Sheri said...

I love hearing positives! It gives me hope! I am so happy your girl is progressing. Don't ever hesitate to share news, good or bad! Love you.

Mary Christine said...

It is important for me to stay in the day with my daughter. Even though she is approaching 5 years of sobriety, I have been in AA long enough to know that we ALL have only today. So, enjoy it, and don't look for dark clouds on the horizon.

Mary Christine said...

It is important for me to stay in the day with my daughter. Even though she is approaching 5 years of sobriety, I have been in AA long enough to know that we ALL have only today. So, enjoy it, and don't look for dark clouds on the horizon.

SoberMomWrites said...

Wow...what a wonderful post. Cry, cry cry all you want. It actually has a therapeutic benefit which I didn't find out until I was 45 years old and clinically depressed. You body needs to cry to reset the homones.

And if it's the good kind of cry like it was today then WOOT!!! Let 'er rip sister!!!

So happy for your girl and so happy for you.

Sherry

madyson007 said...

I am so happy that your daughter found "that" person. This could be "it" but be careful, hope with expectations can end in pain. I guess plain old hope without expectations is a lot to ask. I don't think I can ever get there again. I am not going to hope at all anymore. Then anything good will be icing on the cake.

madyson007 said...

I am so happy that your daughter found "that" person. This could be "it" but be careful, hope with expectations can end in pain. I guess plain old hope without expectations is a lot to ask. I don't think I can ever get there again. I am not going to hope at all anymore. Then anything good will be icing on the cake.

Mrs. Dubose said...

I know that feeling of hope. It never goes away. It hides sometimes, though! I am so happy for you and your family!! I cannot tell you how much I get it.

xo

Lisa said...

By sharing your good news with others you keep HOPE alive in them. When our kids get the courage to do what your daughter just did we all step back in amazement. Please tell her how proud we all are of her. I am so happy that today is a good day for her and for you.

Liz said...

Oh Annette.. I know how you feel. I have never been a cryer, until my daughter's addiction... Now, it doesn't take much to bring on the tears. My heart just explodes with gratitude (and tears) at her smallest accomplishments.. things other parents would just take for granted and never think twice about. Like.... when my daughter is clean and smiles and laughs her natural happy laugh... just brings tears.

Erin said...

Annette, I am sooo happy to hear this!

Signe said...

I am so happy to read this, Annette! How wonderful that your daughter is healing. I'm glad you cried, too. Those tears of joy wash away all of that past fear and anxiety that have been clogging up your mind. And I don't think you should ever feel guilty about good that happens to you. When I hear something like that, I don't feel resentful, I feel like, 'Yea! Another one got away. Another one broke free of the cage of addiction. Keep running!' God is good, Annette.

Tori said...

These are victories that we all celebrate. This is a very hard thing to do for most people but especially one in recovery.

B did not care for his counselor in Drug Court and he had to do the same thing - he was newly sober and 20 so Dad said he would go with him because we thought it was ridiculous. The Counselor ended up making B feel bad and he was not allowed to change.

I am not saying if he was able to change the outcome would have been different but there was a man in there that was perfect for him and he agreed to take B on yet B was still denied.

GOOD FOR HER she is taking charge of her recovery!

Syd said...

Good news, Annette. I am happy for you and for her. She will get it. I just have a feeling that she understands that drugs are not the answer.

kristi said...

Fantastic. I have a nephew who was in prison b/c of drug related choices and he is doing fantastic. It CAN happen!