Monday, September 30, 2013

Drained......

I just spent the day with my girl tending to last minute business before she begins her work tomorrow as house manager. This entailed me coming home from work at 8:45 this morning, Starbucks in hand for the both of us, leaving home by 9:00, stopping at Highway Patrol to have a fix-it ticket signed off that had become a bench warrant, driving 50 miles down the freeway into the city by 10:00 to set up out- patient at the hospital. Heading over to the court house to show the judge the fore mentioned ticket, having that sweet soul tell my girl he is proud of her, in front of the whole court room, for having 63 days clean and dismissing all charges except for 175.00 "because one of the hardest things in the world is to recover from alcohol or drug addiction......and YOU are doing it!" This man will go into my memory bank of angels that we have encountered through the years that showed my girl kindness when they could have showed something much different.

All of that is not what drained me. Being out in society is a lot for her and she can only handle so much before she gets overwhelmed and snappy and negative. Ugh.....I had to remind myself that I chose to drive her down there, I offered, it was a free gift, no strings attached. No expectations for thanks (which she did say numerous times) or cheerful attitudes. I did not have to allow her attitude to determine my attitude for me. I could choose to have whatever type of attitude I wanted to have and I would be responsible for that attitude. I was fairly successful at that....no harsh words or nasty tones or heavy sighs left my throat. It took active choosing, but I did it and I am glad because she has now left to go back to her rehab house and I have no regrets. She apologized before she left and said its all just too much still. "It was a really big day for me." I know sweet girl.

The sad thing that the dad pointed out was that this was our one child who was constantly on the go as a little one. Loved sleepovers, slumber parties, going to friends houses, birthday parties, amusement parks, rafting, water skiing, snowboarding, was an awesome runner, soccer player and softball player...she would leave our side to go do her things and not look back. My other kids were all home-bodies, didn't like to sleep away from home, always wanted me near-by....but not my girl. The dad used to say, "She will probably be our kid who is living in Europe, going to school, traveling.....while the other ones all stay close by." The others have stayed fairly close by so he was partially correct.

Jesus, please share your grace with each of us where we need it most. Fill my girl with strength and energy and stamina to make it through the next few days. Help me to keep my mouth shut and to mind my own business and to love unconditionally. Please help each mama to hold her broken child with open hands so that you have room to come in and work. Thank you that you love us and that you never leave us.
Amen

Annette


10 comments:

Signe said...

What a good day. I can't believe how much your daughter sounds like my own was growing up. I am so thankful that your new 'angel' was there to give that encouragement. How wonderful it is when people show kindness to another. I also understand the 'snappy' behavior and having to bite your tongue. Wow, I feel as though I was riding along in the back seat with you, today. :)

Erin said...

Amen

Erin said...

Amen

Mary Christine said...

Amen sister, Amen.

Liz said...

AMEN, Annette. I will repeat your prayer daily.

marcy said...

what a beautiful, wonderful post.....it gives me so much hope....so much hope...thank you so much...marcy

SoberMomWrites said...

I'm not SURE about this and I definitely can't speak for your sweet girl but I think this is all about triggers. I'm sure that being out in society triggers the living hell out of her beast and she gets pissed as hell. Pissed that she can't use anymore (yep...we feel that way in spite of all the bad stuff), pissed that she's having to deal with all of this, even pissed that she's pissed. Triggers are beasts in and of themselves and they can really fuck with your zen.

She's only been clean 63 days?! She did magnificently! And so did you mom. In the early days I remember a lot of apologies on my part to my family for being negative and grumpy. They were just as understanding and kind as you were. Good job mom. You rock.

Thanks for sharing this.

Sherry

Hattie Heaton said...

Your words sustain me! What a beautiful prayer. Your honesty helps others to be unafraid. Thanks Annette. I just love you!

Syd said...

I wonder if your daughter isn't ADHD. She reminds me of a friend who has been sober for 23 years but tends to be easily overwhelmed by crowds and decision making.

I am glad that the judge was kind to her. Words of encouragement are really good.

Annette said...

Syd, No ADHD....not one bit of hyperactivity in that girl, unless its drug induced. Possibly ADD, but she definitely has anxiety and I think those are the roots of all of those feelings.