Monday, August 5, 2013

In the middle of it all...regular life.

Black out ends tomorrow. Am I horrible for not being excited about that? I'm really not ready to talk on the phone, go to park days and CoDa meetings at the rehab. Maybe next week. I'm enjoying this space. 

I have spent this week being wiped out exhausted. It really has shown me the effects on my life...despite my big smile and positive attitude. 

In the middle of it all regular life goes on...little one is finding great hilarity in Saran wrapping the toilets when you least expect it. 

Molly's girls (Ruby and Annie) have fleas and I've been answering a myriad of questions for the past few hours about what to do and in which order. "Do we wash their bedding first or bomb the apt first?" 

I grew some pepper plants in a pot and while the plants are enormous and thriving, not one pepper has made an appearance. I'm finding it difficult not to take that personally. 

Ok good night people...we have 8 days before school starts again. We are trying to squeeze in all we can in our last days. So if I'm not around that's why...

Annette

13 comments:

Signe said...

I can appreciate needing the 'break' and not wanting to jump back into things right away. I think internal repairing and replenishing is still going on, and I think it is okay to feel the way you're feeling. Also, I planted peppers, too, and the same thing happened with mine. The plants are big and green but void of peppers (my tomatoes aren't doing that great, either, though they are also big and gree plants). I hope your day is good.

notmyboy said...

I never did visits in rehab. My son was never close enough...we sent him far away. He may or may not have been the only kid without family visits. I don't care. He had to do it on his own ultimately, so I took it as my time to recenter.

Enjoy your last week!

Mary Christine said...

It's her blackout, not yours. YOu don't have to chime right in when its over, do you? I think if you want a few more days of space, you should take it.

Annette said...

The issue is that she will call us and want us to come to family park day, then meetings on Tuesday night. She will want to see us....and I will have to say no, because time wise right now I can't do it (gods perfect plan?)

Annette said...

And my problem, notmyboy, is that I do care. I can let go of that and not go to family day etc, but I do care so it's uncomfortable. It's acting out what I know to be right vs what I feel like doing or how I wish things were. For this next week though its not even possible for me to go to anything, and while I don't like how that feels I can also see that it might be part of a bigger plan.

SoberMomWrites said...

You'll do what's right for you and your family.

And I'll be right here to support whatever that is when you're done.

And...God does not work in mysterious ways. ;)

Sherry

notmyboy said...

I understand what you are saying. I never had to deal with him being in town or nearby and telling him no to a family visit. He just knew it wasn't possible financially for me to visit him.

madyson007 said...

I just had to laugh at the "I'm finding it difficult not to take that personally". I was just yelling at the cute little ground hog who keeps eating the flowers off my big lush tomato plants. Does he not understand that if he continues to eat the damn flowers all I will end up with is a big green bush with no VEGETABLES!!!!! I AM taking it personally!

dawn said...

I absolutely believe its the "bigger plan" - this ain't her first rodeo!! May it just be that your priority is the young one at home preparing for a new school year? I have opinions/feelings/educated beliefs about this and I don't want to cross any lines, but let the loved one focus on herself right now. Prayerfully she'll be there for a good 90 and that time for your participation will come. Golly, I don't see where it would be imperative right out of the gate. My two cents - please take what you want and , , yada yada :)
btw, omgosh, please email - would love it - dawnmfischer@charter.net and/or FB under said name - you know the state :)

Sober Mommy said...

Hang in there. You do so way more then most moms do! You are always supportive and loving. Take time for you if you need it. You sound so tired and drained right now from everything. Im sorry.

dawn said...

To the point -
prayerfully, she's there for 90 and there are many opportunities for "family" programming. Second, this ain't her first rodeo!!! She's OK for a while - she actually needs this time. Time to feel lonely, humble, raw...
I DO believe this is the "plan" and you have some pressing (no, I did not say "more" pressing) but,, some things right in front of you to take care of. LIKE YOU ,, now that she's safe at this time and your fourth - getting her ready for school! My fourth , a senior this year, certainly needs and deserves my attention.
Breathe sweet mama! And email me
dawnmfischer@charter.net or same name on FB - you know the state :)

Debby said...

I have felt that way most of the summer Annette. So good to hear your honesty. It's the best way to be. Enjoy these last days before school starts!

Her Big Sad said...

This got to be kind of a sore point with us, Annette. We finally said, no more. you may go to rehab again, and again, but we are done with sitting in the circle and having someone take pot shots at us about our family dynamics. We have already made amends, apologized for any and everything we may have ever done that harmed, and obviously, it was never our intention, etc. We did the best we could with all the love in our hearts for her... If somehow we screwed up, we are sorry and she knows it (and swears she had a perfect childhood). But our final statement was, its the past. We're not doing the Family Days and CoDA meetings any more. We're working on our recovery and we stand by to help in positive ways if you want us to, with your recovery, but it is yours. There are millions of people who have horrible backgrounds and horrible childhoods and they don't grow up to live like our daughter is currently living. So we told her to use Ron's sidewalk analogy and GET OVER IT and make positive steps into her future. It's hers to make of it what she will. We can't do that for her. And you know what? She continues to look us right in the eye and say "I have to do this Mom, its nothing you caused, and nothing you can fix." So yes, I understand how you are feeling and I don't think you are horrible at all. Take care of you and enjoy the break. I'll keep praying with you.